Baby Tomorrow

At my appointments today, it was decided that I would deliver at 34 weeks, and by 34 weeks, they meant tomorrow.  TOMORROW.  Wednesday, October 3, 2012.  11 AM.  Yikes.

Needless to say, we were a little shocked.  We thought we would at least have until Friday, but no.  Rick started to get sick to his stomach and I immediately began thinking of all the things that aren't done (I haven't washed her clothes yet, the nursery is a series of piles, the house isn't clean, I haven't taken a single good belly picture, etc.).  We received this news at 430 PM, and for the next two hours I was in and out of tears.  Some were out of worry and anxiousness about an early delivery (which guarentees admission into the NICU), some were out of an understanding of what is to come (which is far more informed and adequate than it was the last time around), but most were for my son.  His world is about to be rocked and he has no idea.  I started to think about how this was my last night with just him.  I wanted to make it count as much as I could.  So I forgot bed rest and tried to make the most of our last night, just the three of us.  We picked him up from Nana's and got ice cream, played in the park, ordered pizza, and watched his TV show of choice (Thomas the Train).  We took a bath, put on our jamies, and tucked into bed.  He always asks for his sheet and his teddy bear, and then he holds out his hand and asks to pray.  We have been letting him repeat our prayer, but lately, Rick has had him pray on his own.  He thanked God for the day, for Mommy and Daddy, and for baby Lucy, all on his own.  More tears.  He is such a precious boy.

I feel some guilt at the percentage of thought-space my son has occupied  as compared to my daughter throughout this pregnancy, and specifically since I've been on bed rest.  With my first pregnancy, he was all I thought about.  With this pregnancy, he's still been heavy on my mind.  Rather than thinking about Lucy and her future, I've been thinking about Charlie and missing time with him and wondering how he will adjust to having a sister.  I'm hoping this is normal.

As I illuded to earlier, this time around I understand what a baby means.  It means no sleep.  It means constant anxiety.  It means pumping and messes and diapers ALL THE TIME.  But it also means overwhelming joy - the kind of which can never be matched, except perhaps in heaven itself.

Ah, okay.  Deep breath, big day tomorrow.  Time for a good night's sleep.