Shepherding a Child's Heart
by Tedd Tripp
Format: Kindle
Price: $1.99
Price: $1.99
How I heard about it: A fellow mom recommended it to me
Basic Premise: This non-fiction book helps parents understand that their children's behavior is a symptom of a larger problem that, when addressed, not only corrects behavior, but directs the child to a fruitful and lasting relationship with God.My Take: 8 out of 10 (scale here)
*It was really difficult to assign a rating to this book. I HATE HATE HATE to read books like this because they. are. so. slow. There is no action, mainly because there isn't meant to be. IT'S NONFICTION. And even though the information was great stuff, it read like a newspaper, which I avoid like the plague. I had to set goals like, "Okay, I am not getting up until I have read another 10%"...talk about lame. THIS IS WHY I HATE NONFICTION. Okay...enough of that.
This book was actually very, very good. Dr. Tripp's central message is this: children behave badly because they are sinners, and as such, they have to be taught how to live according to God's direction. As parents, we are responsible for showing them how to do that. This is not earth-shattering. Sin, or "original sin" as it is referred to in this context, is part of humanity. I remember sitting in a (terrible) presentation in the auditorium of the high school for a professional development session where the renowned speaker whom we had flown in maintained that children, in their hearts, are innately good. Their first impulse is always compassion. Mmmmmm no. That is not even close to right. Even if the Bible didn't say so, we don't teach a child to lie. The child's nature is to lie to get what he/she wants. The child has to be taught NOT to lie. If not directed and constantly redirected, that child will continue to live according to his nature, which is not innately good. Dr. Tripp doesn't debate this as I just did, but I felt the compelled to add it, as someone who believes a child's nature is innately righteous will make no sense of this book. He maintains that children misbehave because their nature is to sin, and if we simply address the sins, we are missing the heart of the issue.
For example, if Charlie and Lucy are fighting over a toy, I might walk in and say, "Charlie, who had it first?" or "Whose toy is this?" or "How about taking turns?" or any such suggestion. But the root issue here - selfishness - is not addressed by any of these solutions. If I expect Charlie's behavior to change, I need to teach him that it's his heart I am worried about, not the resulting behavior. He needs to get his heart right with God first.
That simple idea is both true and brilliant. I'm a little embarrassed to say I never thought of it that way. We often discuss Charlie's attitude with him, but we say things like, "You will enjoy it so much more if you cheer up" or "You will not get to go to the party if you don't stop acting like that." We also tell him, "You need to change your attitude." I discontinued this approach immediately. Yesterday in the car, Charlie had a book Lucy wanted. She was screaming and reaching for it (she is one), and Charlie was saying, "No, Lucy, I had it first." We tried giving her other books but nothing worked. She wanted that one.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: Charlie, what about giving that book to Lucy since she's so upset?
Charlie: But I want this book.
Me: Charlie, who are you thinking about right now?
Charlie: (because he knows it's the right answer) Lucy.
Me: Really? If you were thinking about Lucy, don't you think you'd give her the book since she's so upset?
Charlie: But Mommy, I want this book.
Me: I know you do, but Jesus tells us to think about others before we think about ourselves. Right now, your sister would really like to have this book. She is little. You are big. And God made you Lucy's big brother for a reason. She won't have it forever. You can have it after she's finished with it.
Charlie: (troubled expression)
Me: (bated breath)
Charlie: Here Lucy. (hands over book)
Lucy: (screaming ceases) Oooooo (opens book)
Me: Charlie, I am SO proud of you.
Charlie: I'm proud of you too, Mommy. (picks up another book)
A little sloppy, but successful. Repeating this process many many many times, as I'm sure we will, will hopefully begin to teach him that it's not about the book, it's about his heart. And as Lucy grows and develops the ability to understand her heart, she will begin to treat him in the same way.
Anyway, all that to say that this was a good book despite the lack of action. I am beginning to implement the principals of the book and we will see how it goes!
List progress:
Parenting with Love & Logic by Jim Fey
Silver Star Jeannette Walls
Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Those Who Save Us by Jenna Blum
Mocking Jay by Suzanne Collins
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