12 Days of Reflection - #8: Work

 Decision #8 - Return to work in August.

I don't know that this qualifies as a decision, per se - I really had no option in this case.  But I'm including it because I made a choice to want to return to work.

I have no qualms about calling last school year the worst and most difficult of my career.  It started on September 5th when I went on bed rest and missed nearly three months of key time with my students.  It resumed on December 3rd when I returned to work.  I had just experienced one of the most trying and difficult times of my life with the birth of my premature baby, and here I return to school with the most challenging group of kids with which I'd ever dealt.  But I can't blame it all on the kids. I was tired, emotionally exhausted, and, to be frank, grouchy.  I was struggling with kids, co-workers, changes in my curriculum, and, as the end of the year approached, the realization that my best friend and closest co-worker was going to be leaving me.  Cap the whole experience with a perfect summer with my kiddos, and you end up with me really really really wishing I didn't have to go back to work.  Dreading August 6th.

So after a brief time of mourning, I made a decision.  I was going to be excited about the school year.  No more of this wishing things were different.  It wouldn't change anything and it just served to sour my mood.  So I decided to be excited about the school year.  I just reread the blog post I wrote right before the beginning of the school year.  I think I sound more excited than I actually was, but it worked.  It was a very good decision because my heart is in the right place, and one of the goals I wrote down was "be content to bloom (happily, not grudgingly) where God has placed me."  And, even though this year has been full of unexpected happenings and frustrations in its own right, I am trying to remember that my only real job is to love kids, and, unfortunate though it may be, I think that's where the biggest change has taken place.  I tend to get so caught up in the extra stuff that comes with teaching, but this is where my heart needs to be.  And it's a lot easier to do when I'm not fighting against the circumstance.