Blogtemtober: A Story about a Time When I Was Very Afraid

I've written about fear before bur this prompt asks for specifics.  There are two, and both involve my children.  There is something about your children that catapult your fear to an unimaginable pitch.

The first is articulated below in a blog post from September 1, 2009:

At our last doctor's appointment, the doctor told us our baby had a rare condition in which the umbilical cord, usually comprised of three vessels, was missing a vessel and therefore only contained two. This condition can mean lots of things (premature birth, cardiac problems, chromosomal abnormalities, death, etc.), so we were pretty freaked out. This condition affects around 1-2% of pregnancies, and of these, 75% are born with no problems. The doctor recommended we go see a specialist in Kansas City who would do a level 2 ultrasound and check the major organs to be sure everything was functioning normally. She said we'd probably be seeing him once a month and her, our regular doctor, once a month, so an appointment every two weeks and sonograms at least once a month. Needless to say, we were pretty freaked when we headed to Kansas City today. We prayed that God would help us handle whatever came next, but mostly that he would keep Charlie safe.

I wrote this carefully, going to great lengths to keep my voice cool, and as if I had it together, but the truth was that I was terrified.  I remember bawling at school when I got the phone call, crying the whole way home, and lying on my bed sobbing uncontrollably for probably a solid 30 minutes before I started to get a grip.  I was so very afraid.  As it turned out, everything was perfect - the sonographer had simply missed the cord in the first sonogram.

The second was here.

Both my children are perfect now, but I so remember the feeling of terror and utter helplessness.