New Thing: Adjusting to Two

It's hard to believe, but we have had two kids at home for almost two weeks now.  Kid One isn't the least bit interested in Kid Two, but we are trying not to let that discourage us - I'm sure that once the adjustment is made and she gets a bit bigger, he will become more interested.

I am beginning to see how I now have two sets of "issues" if you will.  For example, Lucy needed to go to the doctor last week for a follow-up appointment.  Charlie needed to be seen for an ear-infection that would not go away.  Between the two of them, we were at the doctor's office three times last week.  Really?  The other night Charlie woke up and needed to be resettled.  I had just fallen back asleep from feeding Lucy.  Due to her premie status, Lucy cannot be out and about until after flu season is over.  Any time we want or need to get Charlie out, one of us has to stay behind with Lucy.

And on and on it goes.


But we are adjusting.  We have such wonderful support in the form of our parents, extended family, and church.  We are so grateful for everything they have done to help us out!

Homecoming :)

On Monday, October 22, 2012, after nearly three weeks in the hospital, we were finally able to bring our little girl home.

She is in a "car bed" so she can breathe more easily (the normal car seat puts her chin to her chest, making breathing harder for her)

We have now been home for nearly a week, and things are going wonderfully!  Though you may not think of them at first, there are several pluses to having a baby in the NICU, and one is that they are already on a sleeping/eating routine by the time you take them home!  Lucy is a rock-star eater.  We had our first doctor's appointment yesterday and she weighed a whopping 5 lbs, 15 oz - almost 6 lbs and a pound and an ounce heavier than her birth weight (which is pretty remarkable, considering she lost 10 oz while at the hospital).  She is still sleeping 97% of the time, but that is to be expected from a premie.

We are so happy to have her home!  We will not have her out much due to the start of flu season and the fact that, as a premie, she is more prone to infection.

Progress Report #3

These last few days have been GREAT days for Lucy!  She has been eating from a bottle and nursing like a pro, and she is gaining weight and will probably exceed five pounds when they weigh her tonight!  Here's her progress report, and as you can see, she has mastered four of the five!

The last one about breathing is our hang-up right now.  She is still engaging in "episodic breathing" which means that her breathing will stall occasionally.  This is very normal for pre-mature babies, but they would have liked to have seen her grow out of it by 36 weeks of gestational age.  They are going to give her some medication to see if they can regulate the breathing a bit.  Hopefully the medications will work!  Today they started talking to us about things we need to do before discharge - bring in the car seat, get her immunizations, etc - so I started to get really excited.  Throughout the duration of her time in the NICU, I have avoided asking the question, "So when can we take her home?" because I didn't want to get my hopes up.  Today, however, I couldn't resist.  I asked if they thought it would be some time next week, and they said yes.  I am still trying not to get my hopes up, but it looks like we might be looking at coming home within the next seven days!

Since she is so much stronger this week than she was last, and since she's hooked to fewer machines, we've been able to hold her much more.  Today she and I snuggled for a good hour, and last night Rick held her for almost three hours.  She is so sweet.  It's hard to believe that I was a little disappointed at having a girl in the beginning - now I can't imagine having anyone else but her.  I can't wait to introduce her to her big brother!

Nook Book: Casual Vacancy

Casual Vacancy

by J.K. Rowling

Length: 426 pages

Format: Nook book
Price: $17.99 (I know...but I really wanted to read it!)
Author Website: http://www.jkrowling.com/en_US/ (photo credit)

Basic Premise: When council member Barry Fairbrother drops dead of an anurism, his vacant council seat becomes an object of contention amongst the citizens of Pagford, a small, picturesque English town - well at least, it would be picturesque, if it weren't for "the Fields."  An impoverished and unkempt neighborhood, the Fields finds itself the center of a heated controversy. But, as the story unfolds, whether to continue to support the Fields and the impoverished who live there becomes much more than an issue of mere politics.

My Take: 2 out of 10 (scale here)
I did not like this book.  I knew it was not going to be like Harry Potter, but I did not expect it to be so...adult.  No, adult is the wrong word, because the novel, in large part, focused on teenagers.  I did not expect it to be so dark and vulgar.  The language is filthy.  I had to look up many of the words because much of it is British slang, but that did not help to improve the filth.  The worst part, though, was the characters.  JKR is a stunning master of character development - I truly believe it is one of her greatest strengths as a writer.  The problem with these characters is that they were atrocious human beings.  They were like what I imagine would be the Dirsley's inner circle. There was not a single character in the story with whom I would want to be friends.  

Short rabbit trail that will (I think) communicate what I mean without giving away any of the story: A few semesters ago my husband had several classes with the same guy and girl.  As a result, they studied and hung out together quite a bit on campus.  Rick told me about a conversation this guy had with this girl as they were eating one day.  He (who is very attractive) told her (who is also attractive) he would not be friends with her if she were fat.  And Rick vouched for the truth of the statement - he was that kind of guy.  This story bothered me for many reasons, but I found myself in disbelief that someone would actually be that shallow.  Now take that kind of mentality and project it on to each character in this ensemble cast.  Every last one of them seemed so shallow, self-seeking, and dirty.  I hope people don't actually think like this.  Perhaps I am naive.

I know there is an underlying message of social injustice and the massive unfairness of poverty and those who are clinging to the fringes of society, and I believe I caught it.  Even though I am quite far removed from these harsh realities, I know there are people who exist like this, parents who raise their kids like this, children who think it's okay to live like this - but for me, this was a slimy excursion into the darkness of lives lived in the pursuit of the instant, the here, the now.  I suppose that in and of itself could be some good gleaned from this book - reinforcement that earthly gain will never be enough to satisfy.

That said, this is not a book I recommend.  Perhaps I am being too hard on it...?  I don't know - I tend to guard my precious reading time carefully, so wasting it on something like this is quite irritating...

Making Progress

Lucy has done a great job over the past few days.  Our biggest victory was last night - she took her ENTIRE FEEDING (44 mLs) from a bottle!  That is huge and one step closer to taking all her feedings from a bottle exclusively.  Here's her progress report as of today:

Obviously, we are very proud of her!  And she got a special visitor today - Nana (Rick's mom), who has been sick since Lucy was born, is fully recovered and was able to come visit today!  Now all the grandparents and all of our siblings have gotten to meet Lucy!

AND, she is up to 4 lbs, 10 oz!  Four more ounces and she will be at her birth weight!



Rough Day

Today I think life caught up to me.  I was sleep-deprived, mainly from spending late hours at the hospital and waking up twice during the night to pump.   Within two hours of my being there, she had three painful-looking throw-ups.  (They gave her some sick-nasty vitamins that she obviously didn't like.)  To top it all off, I developed this idea in my head that Lucy might not make it.  There is something about watching your tiny child sleep, with wires and tubes hooked up to her, looking so small and helpless, that wreaks utter havoc on your heart.  And when I think about my son, who didn't have to work to breathe or eat, and I watch her fight to simply stay awake, much less breathe and eat, I am overcome with anxiety and hurt, and blame myself, cursing my body once again for being so inhospitable.

I spent the entire morning in tears.  It was so bad that they sent her doctor in (who may be the nicest woman on the face of the earth), who sat me down and said, "Talk to me.  What's wrong?" After talking with her and my husband, I realized that Lucy was perfectly fine, and that the problem was with me, not her.  I'm sure post-pregancy hormones can account for some of this, but in a moment of sitting quietly next to Lucy's bed, with tears pouring down my cheeks, I was reminded of the fact that fear is wrong.  It's not just bad for you, it's wrong.  Wrong like sinful.  I know that God has promised to be with me, to never leave or forsake me, and to be big enough to handle even the most impossible situations.  I have yet to see a time when He has failed to do so.  He loves my daughter more than I do.  If I give in to fear, I am in essence telling God that I don't trust Him (Imaginer and Creator of the universe, mind you) to take care of my daughter.  Seems a little pompous, doesn't it?

This helped put things in perspective.  She is here, she is healthy, and she is making progress.  That's good enough for now.  So I went home, took a much-needed nap, picked up around the house, did some laundry, spent the evening with my son, and went to bed early.  Joy comes in the morning - tomorrow will be much better.

3. Staff

We have been overwhelmed by the kindness, caring, and genuine compassion of the staff here at the hospital, both in the labor and delivery unit and the NICU.  I literally could not feel more at peace about where our daughter is spending her days and who is taking care of her.  We have both been SO impressed.

The nurse who helped me through my delivery will have a special place in my heart forever. :)  Helping bring babies into the world is what she does all day every day, but not once did I feel like I was an every-day part of her life.  I felt special, cared for, and as if the delivery of my baby was as big a deal to her as it was to me.

She was my nurse for a few days back in September when I spent nearly a week in the hospital.  She is knowledgeable, a good conversationalist, and definitely a no-nonsense type.  While I was there and it was clear that my amniotic fluid level was dropping, she lectured me for about 15 minutes about not drinking enough water.  She knew my type - teachers who don't take time for themselves during the school day because they are so busy taking care of everyone else.  She said that as a nurse, she was the same, but that I needed to buck up and take time to drink water.  :)  We also talked about books, about our mutual love of garage sales, and about her son, who is around the same age as my students.

I was excited to see she was assigned to me on Lucy's birthday.  She made herself available to answer any questions before the surgery and was so good about explaining things, even down to what would be discussed in the operating room.  When I was getting my spinal, I experienced some pain.  She was there holding my hands the whole way and "cheering" me on.  After Lucy was born and Rick had left with her to head downstairs, she took his place and continued to encourage me.  And then she took me off to recovery.

A word about recovery - in my opinion, it is the worst part of a C-section because you have to stay in a room with no one but your nurse while you wonder how your baby is and start to feel the side-effects of the anesthesia (mainly INSANE itching of the face).  I definitely dreaded recovery more than surgery.  It was in the recovery room that I began to feel nauseous for the first (and only) time all day.  I got that feeling you get when you are about to vomit.  (Side note: I hate throwing up.  I've never met anyone who said they liked it, but I truly believe my hatred and dread of it is more than the average person's.  I cry every time I think I might throw up.  I hate it.)  I said something out loud, and immediately, she was digging in cabinets for wash clothes, running them under cold water, and placing them on my neck.  She gave me one of those semi-circle maroon barf-catcher things for good measure, but she said that placing a cold, wet wash cloth on the neck helps keep one from throwing up.  (Great tip! I'm happy to know it and will be using this trick on myself and my children in the future.)

Once the nausea passed, my wonderful nurse distracted me by steering the conversation into what she knew was comfortable territory for me, and that was education.   She asked my professional advice about an issue at her son's school.  It felt really nice to "talk shop" after being gone from work for more than a month.

When 7:00 rolled around, I asked her to please stay and be my night nurse too.  She smiled and said she would be back again before I left, and true to her word, she was my nurse again on my last day.  But she surprised me by telling me that the talk we had had on Lucy's birthday had inspired and emboldened her with regard to the issue at her son's school and she thanked me.  I was touched and pleased, and, as I already had an immense sense of gratitude in my heart for this woman, I was overjoyed to have been able to give her something back.

I think I may have hugged her four times before I left.

2. NICU (and Progress Report)

As a premature baby, or "premie," as they are frequently called, Lucy was admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) almost immediately upon her arrival.  The NICU provides support to these babies by creating an environment that is as "womb-like" as possible by which regulating breathing, temperature, feedings, excretions, etc. according to the needs of the baby.  I have outlined the big events here, beginning with her birth:

Day 1 (Wednesday, Oct 3):
Weight - 4 lbs, 14 oz
-born 11:47 AM
-admitted to NICU, placed in an incubator to regulate her body temperature and put on a c-pap to help regulate her breathing

Day 2 (Thursday, Oct 4):
-removed from c-pap and placed on hi-flow - one step down from c-pap in terms of respiratory support
-began breast milk feedings via tube in her mouth

Day 3 (Friday, Oct 5):
Weight - 4 lbs, 10 oz
-placed back on c-pap during the night as her breathing was irregular - did MUCH better
-pooped for first time and continued to pee

Day 4 (Saturday, Oct 6):
Weight - 4 lbs, 10 oz
-began to cry when she was hungry - a GREAT sign :)
- began increasing feedings by 2 mL/feeding, which she tolerated well

Day 5 (Sunday, Oct 7):
Weight - 4 lbs, 9 oz
-moved to full feedings (almost 1.5 oz)
-spit up a few times

Day 6 (Monday, Oct 8)
Weight - 4 lbs, 9 oz
-removed the c-pap and brought back the hi-flow, which went VERY well
-spit up a few times

Day 7 (Tuesday, Oct 9)
Weight (they weigh in the evenings, so we don't know yet)
-in a CRIB, which means she is maintaining her body temperature on her own!
-continues to spit up, so they spread her feedings out over a longer period of time

I spoke with the nurse practitioner in charge of Lucy this morning and she is very pleased with Lucy's progress.  She gave me the criteria Lucy must master before going home.  I have arranged it, along with Lucy's progress on each, in the chart below:

So we are making progress!  We can't work on the feeding stuff until the breathing is mastered, but we are well on our way.  She hardly needed any oxygen today, so we are hoping that will be the next thing we can cross off :)

1. Birth

There is so much I could put into this post - it's all still sharp and fresh in my memory - but I decided to keep it simple, and go with moments I know I will never forget.

• Seeing familiar faces in the ward, thanks to my 5 day stint at the hospital in September.  I was overjoyed to see that Rhonda was my nurse again and would be seeing me through surgery.
• In the triage room before heading into surgery, when Rick cheerfully donned the scrubs and the ridiculous-looking shower cap-thing they make you wear on your head.  He prayed with me before we went in.
• Reminding the doctors and nurses to please not forget to bring my husband in.  (They make him wait outside during prep.) They assured me they wouldn't and were true to their word.  He came in, grabbed my hand and kissed me, and then we both got ready.  We remembered from last time how things move very, very quickly from this point.
• The strangeness of feeling people's hands inside you, and feeling tugging and pushing and pulling, and being able to hear them talking about your skin and tissues and guts, but not be able to feel any pain.  Very strange, but definitely the way I like it.
• Rick's first glimpse of our daughter.  I watched as he watched them bring her into the world - butt, then legs, then head.  It was the sweetest moment - there was such...tenderness in his expression - falling in love.
• Hearing her cry!  I hadn't realized until that moment just how anxious I was about whether she would be okay.  34 weeks is a huge milestone for a pre-mature baby, but it is still very early.  Hearing her strong little squall was a huge relief and set off my water-works.
• Seeing her for the first time.  The doctor immediately brought her around the curtain to where we could see her - she was a mass of hair and flesh and white stuff (I asked later and they said it's a natural protectant for the baby's skin that is produced in the womb...how amazing is that?) and noise - beautiful!
• Rick kissing me and hugging my head (as best he could) and telling me how proud he was of me, and how much he loved me.  He then following the doctor to a little corner of the room where she did an examination.
• Feeling SO anxious to know how much she weighed.  She looked bigger than I thought she would but I was still nervous.  Rhonda came and took Rick's place (she is amazing - more about her later) and told me that baby looked "awesome" and very good-sized.
• Seeing her again just before she left the room with Daddy.  They had her wrapped up set her on my shoulder so I could see her just before she went downstairs to get all checked out.  My brilliant husband had the great idea to take pictures and some video with my phone and leave it with me so I could look through them while they finished sewing me up (which is 70% of the length of the surgery).
• Rhonda wheeling me into recovery and telling me how great I did, how great baby looked, and what a success everything was overall.
• Itching. My. Face. Off.
• My sweet husband, returning upstairs with her stats (all but weight, which seemed like it took forever to get! I included them below) and telling me how perfect she was!

Lucy Jean
October 3, 2012

11:47 AM

4 lbs, 14 oz

17 3/4 inches

What an amazing blessing.  So many things could have gone wrong (which I was reminded of when I saw the anesthesiologist's "medical assistant" who performed my spinal.  Seriously?  Did they need a student to do that? I could hear the anesthesiologist coaching him, saying things like, "You're too far left -you're hitting the such-and-such..." yikes) but everything went right.

Thank you, Lord, for this sweet blessing.

More to come...

Dear Lucy

Dear Lucy,

Today is your birthday - the real one, where you make your entrance into this wonderful world.  I cannot tell you how heavily you have been anticipated.  We have thought about you and looked forward to your arrival from the moment your brother was born almost three years ago, and when we found out you were on your way, we were so very happy.

I knew from the moment I discovered I was pregnant that you were a girl.  I can't explain how, but it's true.  Ask your daddy (who scoffed right up until the sonogram, when it was obvious you were a girl).  I have worried and fretted about you like I never did with your brother because you are a girl.  Since I am a girl, I know just how hard it can be.  But the good news is that you were created in the Image of the God of the Universe, Who wove you together in my tummy and Whose hand is on you today and every day of your life.  Sometimes it's hard - especially for girls - to keep from seeking the approval of the world around you.  I promise that your daddy and I will do everything we can to help you understand that you need no approval except God's.  I pray today and for the rest of your life that you will grow to understand that, and to seek to follow after Him with everything you are made of (which, considering your gene pool, is some pretty great stuff, if I do say so).

You are named for two very special people.  The first is a work of fiction.  Lucy Pevensie is the star of my very favorite series of books, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.  One day, we will read them together and you will discover that, while Lucy doesn't always do as she should, she is the most faithful follower of the King of all the other humans in the story.  She is also the youngest and often overlooked.  But she is a wonderful character, and one of my favorites in all of literature.

Your middle name is your great-grandmother's - Clara Jean Blankenship.  She is your daddy's-mommy's mommy.  Since your daddy and I grew up together, I remember her vaugely, but she died when your daddy was young.  He wanted your middle name to be Jean after her.  Someday, he and your nana can tell you all about her.

Well, it's 7:00 AM and we have to be at the hospital in two hours to start getting ready to meet you.  I can hear your daddy's alarm clock going off upstairs, but before I go, I want to tell you just a bit about your big brother.  Even though he doesn't quite understand, he knows who you are.  He knows you are in my tummy - he has often asked to "pet Mommy," which is where he comes and pets my tummy and says "Hi baby Lucy."  I am excited to see the two of you together, and even more excited for the days when you are older and you can count each other among your very best friends.

I love you, dear baby girl, and I can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Mommy

Baby Tomorrow

At my appointments today, it was decided that I would deliver at 34 weeks, and by 34 weeks, they meant tomorrow.  TOMORROW.  Wednesday, October 3, 2012.  11 AM.  Yikes.

Needless to say, we were a little shocked.  We thought we would at least have until Friday, but no.  Rick started to get sick to his stomach and I immediately began thinking of all the things that aren't done (I haven't washed her clothes yet, the nursery is a series of piles, the house isn't clean, I haven't taken a single good belly picture, etc.).  We received this news at 430 PM, and for the next two hours I was in and out of tears.  Some were out of worry and anxiousness about an early delivery (which guarentees admission into the NICU), some were out of an understanding of what is to come (which is far more informed and adequate than it was the last time around), but most were for my son.  His world is about to be rocked and he has no idea.  I started to think about how this was my last night with just him.  I wanted to make it count as much as I could.  So I forgot bed rest and tried to make the most of our last night, just the three of us.  We picked him up from Nana's and got ice cream, played in the park, ordered pizza, and watched his TV show of choice (Thomas the Train).  We took a bath, put on our jamies, and tucked into bed.  He always asks for his sheet and his teddy bear, and then he holds out his hand and asks to pray.  We have been letting him repeat our prayer, but lately, Rick has had him pray on his own.  He thanked God for the day, for Mommy and Daddy, and for baby Lucy, all on his own.  More tears.  He is such a precious boy.

I feel some guilt at the percentage of thought-space my son has occupied  as compared to my daughter throughout this pregnancy, and specifically since I've been on bed rest.  With my first pregnancy, he was all I thought about.  With this pregnancy, he's still been heavy on my mind.  Rather than thinking about Lucy and her future, I've been thinking about Charlie and missing time with him and wondering how he will adjust to having a sister.  I'm hoping this is normal.

As I illuded to earlier, this time around I understand what a baby means.  It means no sleep.  It means constant anxiety.  It means pumping and messes and diapers ALL THE TIME.  But it also means overwhelming joy - the kind of which can never be matched, except perhaps in heaven itself.

Ah, okay.  Deep breath, big day tomorrow.  Time for a good night's sleep.

Thank You: Freezer Meals

Once upon a time in high school, I went to FCA camp and decided to take a shower after competition (though it was unlikely that I had broken a sweat).  No one was in the bunk except this girl I had barely talked to named Melissa.  As I was getting my shower stuff together, we began to talk and found that we had much in common.  We talked so long that I wasn't able to shower, and we continued to get to know each other throughout the weekend.  Since then, though we have never lived closer than an hour and a half, we have written letters (yes, actual letters) and emails, gone on trips, been in each other's weddings, and gotten to share the joys of motherhood together.  There is so much I admire about Melissa, and one of the things I admire most is how she is able to channel her care and concern for others into helpful, practical ways to support them.  When she found out about our bed rest situation, she cooked for a week straight and brought us a freezer full of meals.

See all of that stuff?  That's just what's on top.  It is literally a freezer FULL of food, including lasagna, chili, soup, brisket, seasoned pulled pork, potatoes, cookies - the works.  And not only did she bring all this food, she painstakingly typed a reference list of all the food, how many dinners of each there were (at least two of each), and specific preparations.

We have only eaten two of these meals so far, as people from church have been bringing us meals several times a week (thank you SOOOO much!), but it is so nice to know they are there waiting for us in the freezer.

I can't tell you what a ministry this act of Melissa's and the meals brought by our church family have been to us.  My husband has been such a trooper, shouldering nearly all of the responsibility around the house and with our son, but it has been so nice for neither of us to worry about meals.  So a HUGE thank you to Melissa and the folks who have been helping supply meals for us.  It has been SUCH a blessing.