Silver Lining...?

I'm sick.  I left school yesterday after 4th hour and headed straight for the doctor. An hour later I was picking up a prescription for STREP THROAT.

Yep...that's right.  I don't ever remember being nauseated with strep before, but as it's been more than a decade since I've had it, I may have forgotten.  I ate saltines and drank 7UP in the hopes that my stomach would calm, but it didn't.  I puked.

I don't want to belabor this most disgusting of topics, but I have always been rather fascinated by the way my body prepares itself for upchucking.  My face starts to sweat, spit starts filling my mouth, and tears start squirting out of my tear ducts about 15 seconds before it happens.  It is the worst. thing. ever.  Every time I do it, I think how crazy people must be to do this on purpose.

However, there is some silver lining.  (I've been looking for silver lining since Rick and I watched Silver Lining's Playbook over the weekend.)  I stepped on the scale this morning and voila:

Let me assure you there is NO potential to embrace this as a weight-loss tactic, but it is probably the only plus to being sick.

A silver lining.

Another Daffodil Moment

I love my 3rd hour.  They are such a great, smart, bright group of kids.

And they definitely know how to get their teacher off task, and that is to ask her about her kids.  They call it "the 3rd hour magic."  It's actually pretty cute.

I told them about daffodil moments, which are moments where you are so overwhelmed with blessing that you just have to take a moment to step back and appreciate it.  I'm working on a way to weave this idea into a writing project where they identify their own daffodil moment.  I'd like to see what they come up with.

Anyway, I had another one today.  My son and I had just dropped my daughter off and we were driving to preschool.  It was still dark outside and it was very quiet in the car, and all of a sudden, from the back seat, I heard:

O say can you see
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
At the twilight's last gleaming

It was the most amazing sound.  My son, bless him, is not much of a singer, and some of the words were completely butchered, as often happens with 4-year-olds who try to pronounce big words, but I understood exactly what he was doing - singing the national anthem.  He must have learned it in preschool, because we have not taught it to him.

As I listened to him sing, I began to tear up, thinking about how precious he is, and how blessed we are to be raising him here, in the United States of America - in a place where he can grow up to be anything he wants to be.  He has the privilege to go to school.  He will have the choice of his profession.  He doesn't have to work every day, picking raddishes and trying to sell them at market, like the little Uyghur (pronounced "Wee-gur") girl I'm reading about in The Vine Basket by Josanne La Valley.  It seems like there are so many people complaining about so many things going on in our country.  But isn't it great to think about all the things we do have?  Food? Shelter?  The freedom to go to church and worship as we please, or to speak about whatever we feel, or to choose to move to another town or city without having to acquire permission from the government?  How many rights and freedoms are guaranteed us by our Constitution?

As I listened to him sing, as I soaked up another daffodil moment, I was reminded of how  very blessed and thankful I am that my son gets to grow up here, in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

My Reading List

I really do love reading, but prior to attending my YAL book conference, I was in a pretty serious slump.  However, I made a list of books I'd like to read in that post, and am well on my way:

• Cinder by Marissa Meyer
• Vote by Gary Paulsen
• The Compound by S.A. Bodeen
• Just One Day by Gayle Forman done, review here
• Etiquette and Espionage by Gail Carriger
• Island of Thieves by Josh Lacey
• The Testing by Joelle Charbonneau done, review here
• Maggot Moon by Sally Gardner
• The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey
• Rose Under Fire by Elizabeth Wein
• Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys done, review here
• Imprisoned by Martin W. Sandler
• The President Has Been Shot by James Swanso
• March by John Lewis done, review here
• The Vine Basket by Josanne La Valley - reading now
• The Tragedy Paper by Elizabeth LaBan
• Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowel done, review here
• If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch
• Counting by 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan
• This Is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith I didn't read this one, but I read another by the same author (review here) and didn't like it enough to bother with this one

I've also read Boy Nobody by Allen Zadoff (review here), which isn't on this list but is one they talked about at the conference, so I'm counting that one.  Since I made this list, I've read seven books.  I feel pretty good about that.  After I finish The Vine Basket (which was $1.99 on Amazon!), I plan to tackle Rose Under Fire.  It's in our library at school and it looks sooooo goooooood.

Kindle Book: Boy Nobody

BOy Nobody

by Allen Zadoff

Length: 339 pages

Format: Kindle Book

Price:$3.99

Author Website: http://www.allenzadoff.com/

Basic Premise: Ben (if that's his real name) is a 16-year-old piece of weaponized machinery.  He has been trained to blend in, complete his mission, and disappear.  And his mission is to kill.

My Take:  6.5 out of 10 (scale here)
This is another title that was mentioned at my YAL book conference.  It has a book trailer and I thought it looked interesting.  When it went on sale for $3.99, I bought it.  Adolescent assassins are really popular, for some reason. I really liked the premise, the way the author wove tidbits of Ben's past into the telling of the story, and how quickly the plot progressed.  I did not like the sexual stuff, the underdeveloped characters, or the flippant manner in which Ben completed his tasks.  I felt like there should have been some...regret.  Perhaps that will come in later books.  As I understand it, this is going to be a series, and it has been picked up by a film studio and will star Jayden Smith as Ben.  I will probably wait for video, but I will for sure be seeing it.

Weight Loss: Week 3

I'm just going to call it that. No part of what I am doing is contributing to getting fit, unless you count the couple miles I walk per week, which I don't.

I'm down to 143. That's 7 lbs in three weeks purely from watching what I eat.  But, like I said last week, I'm lacking motivation.  I'm ready to throw in the towel.  Weight loss without exercise is just not cutting it.

So...my options:
1) Quit.  Call 143 good and tackle it when the weather gets warmer and I can go back to walks with the kids, which kills two birds with one stone. Oh so tempting.
2) Figure out how to exercise.  This makes me want to die.  I can't find time to EAT, let alone exercise.  (Seriously - I've skipped lunch twice this week because I've been so busy at school.)  I don't have my yoga membership anymore :( and we don't have a treadmill.  I'm just not sure how to swing it.
3) Keep doing what I'm doing. Ugh.  I keep trying to remind myself that I'm no good with maintenance - I do better with rules - but then I think, "One year ago, I was probably 195 lbs.  I'm at 143.  That's 52 lbs.  I can be content with that."

Sigh.  I don't know what to do.  Someone (Lindsey?) told me I would probably get to 140, but then I wouldn't be happy there, so I would want 135, and then I wouldn't be happy there, so I would want 130.  I can totally see how that could happen.  And maybe it's okay for me to be this size and be happy with it for now, and tackle it when I have the full force of my resources behind me.

Oy.

Audiobook: Eleanor & Park

Eleanor & Park

by Rainbow Rowell

Length: 9 hours

Format: Audiobook

Price: checked out from library

Author Website: http://rainbowrowell.com/blog/

Basic Premise: Park, a high-schooler with a slightly who-gives-a-crap attitude, accidentally finds himself next to the completely weird new girl on the bus. And while he does everything he can think of distance himself from her, he somehow can't. And neither can she.

My Take: 8.5 out of 10 (scale here)
I was interested in this book from the moment it was mentioned at my YAL book conference from nearly a month ago.  The lady said that the content and style were very John Green-ish.  In general, I like John Green, so that was a plus for this book.  But really, I chose it because I was driving to Oklahoma and wanted an audiobook for the drive.  The library had this one checked in.  The trip down and up was 8 hours, but the book was 9, and I had to finish it immediately, so while my husband watched the KU game, I curled up with the laptop and listened to the final disk. I seriously loved this book, which actually surprised me.  I am kind of prude-ish about language in books, particularly books geared toward young people, and this book contained a little a lot of Fs and JCs (which, by the way, are so much worse when heard aloud than read on a page).  The overdose in the first few minutes nearly made me turn it off, but I was so drawn into the characters that I literally couldn't.  It's a dual narrative - a style I have always loved - but it's done in third person.  Interesting choice.  There were a few times when I wondered why it wasn't in first person, but it worked.  I loved the characters.  Park is sort of a jerk, but he comes alive when he meets Eleanor.  Eleanor, because of her underprivileged and kind of sick home life and her less than ideal physique, finds it difficult to believe anyone can love her.  I loved her.  She's insecure about her appearance, and the things she hates most about herself (like her wild mane of red, curly hair) are often then things that other people notice and admire.  And I wished so hard that she had a better life.  She reminded me of a few of my kids at school - my girls and boys - who just can't catch a break, and who deserve so much more from their parents.  I loved the story, and I seriously loved the narrators.  They. were. awesome.

I would have given this a 9.5 if it hadn't been for the ending.  It was abrupt, inconclusive, and enormously irritating.  I probably won't be able to sleep tonight because I'll be thinking about how much I hate it, and how I would have ended it differently had I written it.  It's not a book I can give my middle-schoolers, but if you are looking for a quick, heartfelt read, this is a good one to pick up.  But beware the swearing.

Get Fit: Week 2? Except, not really...

I feel like this shouldn't really be "Get Fit" because there is no exercise component.  So...still working on a good title.  Taking suggestions.

I didn't track what I'm eating.  I found this tedious and nearly impossible with which to keep up.  I'm eating more small snacks and it was just too much maintenance for me.  I pulled a 144 on the scale Saturday morning.  That's down from 147.4 last week.  I feel pretty good about that.  But then, I'm in Oklahoma visiting my brother's family and I have eaten pizza, cereal, a sandwich, and ice cream.  I determined I didn't want to be a burden on them, as they were providing my food, and that I really wanted Hawaiian pizza from my favorite OK pizza joint.  That's going to hurt.

The bottom line is I'm lacking motivation.  I fit into a size 6 last week, (a first...EVER) and while that should probably serve to motivate me more, there is a part of me that's like, "I'm a six.  That's pretty stinking good, considering I was a 14 when I started all this crap."  Not very gung-ho, but it's definitely how I have felt in my lesser moments.

Here's to a better week!

Get Fit: How NOT to Do It

I ate a piece of cheesecake last night.  I made it for my dad's birthday.  And it looked good.  So I ate it.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a churning stomach.

I called in and got a sub.  I have made multiple trips to the bathroom.  And the whole day is still ahead of me.

This is how not to do it.

Get Fit: Menu

This is my menu(ish) for the week.  I needed a trip to the grocery store but just didn't have the time. Many meals repeat, but as I like repetition of old favorites and don't have need for much variety, I don't have a problem with that.  And also, I suck at taking pictures.  I never remember.  Hence the absence of pictures.

SUNDAY:
(no breakfast or snack...Sunday mornings are hectic and if I don't prepare ahead of time, well, I don't eat)
Lunch: Greek yogurt, mini-peppers, apple
Snack: almond butter + bananas
Dinner:  Greek salad

MONDAY:
Breakfast: apple + almond butter
Snack: Mandarin orange
Lunch: tomato veggie soup, small Greek salad
Snack: almonds
Dinner: black bean soup, cottage cheese

TUESDAY:
Breakfast: Greek yogurt + fruit no breakfast
Snack: carrots no snack

Lunch: black bean soup, apple + almond butter
*today was rather busy at school - I planned and packed ALL of this, but didn't eat it :(
Snack: almonds + raisins carrots from earlier
Dinner: Greek salad, cottage cheese

WEDNESDAY: (busy day)
I don't remember.  This is probably my busiest day of the week.  I know I ate cottage cheese, blackberries, apples, Greek salad, and Greek yogurt at various points in the day.  I think I ate some peanut butter while I was making my son a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but otherwise, no cheating.

THURSDAY: (busy day)
Breakfast: banana
Snack: Mandarin orange Greek yogurt
Lunch: tomato veggie soup nope - too busy for lunch
Snack: almonds to busy for snack
Dinner: chicken & dumpling soup, banana, and a few chips with dip
**This meal was at my parents house.  It was one of those things where I didn't know I wouldn't be eating at home, but it was more convenient (and money-saving, as I had planned a fast-food stop with a salad) to just eat with them.  I made the most healthy choice of the available options, apart from the chips and dip.  But it is our family-favorite dip, and I just couldn't help myself.  Moving on.

FRIDAY:
Breakfast: banana nope
Snack: Greek yogurt + mini peppers
Lunch: tomato veggie soup
Snack: banana + almond butter peanut butter
Dinner: Chili, apple

Debrief:
Strictly speaking, chili is against the rules.  It has meat in it.  But I was so maxed out by Friday night, and after battling with my 4-year-old dishing out what felt like consequence after consequence, I was tired.  Chili was in the fridge and it's what everyone else was eating.  I had one bowl and did not add cheese and sour cream, like the old me would have.  Not beating myself up about breaking the no-meat rule.  If I had eaten lasagna, I would be beating myself up.  But it was just chili - beans, tomatoes, onions, sauce.  No pasta, no cheese.  Moving on.  Tonight we are having dinner at my husband's office gala and I am going to do the same thing - I have no idea what's on the menu, but I'm going to make the smartest decisions possible in the circumstance and move on.

I'm feeling pretty good about this week.  I went from 150 on Sunday to 147.4 this morning.  Not bad for a week.  And the hardest part - the first week - is over.

Not bad.

Book: Out of the Easy

Out of the Easy

by Ruta Sepetys

Length: 346 pages

Format: Hardback
Price: checked out from library

Author Website: http://rutasepetys.com/

 Basic Premise: With the 1950s New Orleans Quarter as a backdrop, this story follows Josie Moraine, who has been trying for years to disassociate herself from her immature, scum-sucking, thieving, prostitute of a mother.  She wants more than anything to go to college, but when her mother gets pulled into a murder scandal, it looks like Josie is going to become more associated than even she could have imagined.

My Take: 8 out of 10 (scale here)
This is another title that was recommended that the YAL book conference I attended.  I liked this book.  The atmosphere was fun (though, when you consider the fact that a kid is growing up in a brothel, fun doesn't really seem like the right word).  There characters were stout and loveable.  I really liked the protagonist.  She was level-headed and realistic, not fanciful and flighty like so many.  This is the first book I've read by this author, and while I liked her a lot, there were times I felt a bit underfed.  Most of the time it was little things, like a setting change - like suddenly she would be walking down the street after having had a conversation with someone in the bookshop, but since there was no transition, you just had to kind of say, "Oh, she must have left the bookshop." But some of the time it involved storyline, and I'm not sure if that was my fault for not filling in blanks, or if she intentionally meant for me to not have the information.  Either way, it was not significant and I still really liked it.  I don't think it's one I can comfortably hand to my 7th graders.  There is too much "shop talk" about Mom's job for it to be entirely appropriate for 12 and 13-year-olds.  I'm interested in the other book by this author, Between Shades of Gray. 

Get Fit: January

I've decided I want to go down to 140.  My goal weight for my summer "Get Fit" regime was 145.  But that was mainly because the lowest I'd ever been was 147 and I didn't know if I could make it to 140, which is where I have always really wanted to be.  So I picked 145.

Maintenance has been a beast.  I need, like, a self-help guide.  (Chelsea, can you get on that please? :) I honestly think weight loss is easier.  As a rule-follower by nature, I do well with rules, and weight loss has strict ones.  Maintenance seems less so.  I feel like I did okay for my first time.  I officially ended weight loss at the end of August, so for Sept-Dec, (the holidays aside...oops), and I was able to stay between 146 and 148, varying from 143 at my lowest to 150 at my highest...which is now.  It's amazing how quickly you can pack on the pounds when you toss all good judgement out the window in favor of holiday food.  I weighed 145 before break.  Hmmm...

It's also amazing how much "dirtier" my system feels.  I am going number 2 (the nicest, least-disgusting way I could verbalize it) more frequently and I can feel the affects of sugar.  I could always feel them, like after I drink a pop or something, but now I can feel it after I eat a cookie, or ice cream with oreos, like I did yesterday.  So...yeah.

I'm going to take the month of January to try to get back on the horse.  The big difference between this effort and my last is that I won't be adding the exercise component.  I kind of hate that this is the case, but I'm coming to terms with it.  The bottom line is that I don't have time.  I know - I can already hear voices in my head - "That's just an excuse," "Yes you do," or my dad's (which is the loudest), "We all find time to do what we really want to do."  Yes, that's true.  And what I really want to do is come home after a long day of teaching and spend time with my family.  Once my kids are down, I have about half an hour with my husband before I pass out.  I get up at the butt crack of dawn to clean my house, get ready, get my kids ready, and get them out the door and repeat the whole process.  I know I could get my kids out on walks - I see people doing it all the time - but it's stinking cold, and they are little.  Finding time to exercise adds stress.  I know there are people who use exercise to de-stress, but unless I'm doing yoga (which I can't afford to do unless I'm going 4-5 times a week) exercise is anything but de-stressful.  I'm still getting out and walking (Jennifer and I meet at the mall at 7 AM on Saturdays and do the old-lady thing), but that is the extent of my exercise.  And I'm okay with it for now.  As my mom pointed out when I was discussing all of this with her, in just a few more months, it will be nice out again.

So, here's to January, and 5 10 more pounds :/

Book: Just One Day

Just One Day

by Gayle Forman

Length: 400 pages

Format: Kindle Book
Price: $9.99

Author Website: http://www.gayleforman.com/

 Basic Premise: While on a surprise trip to Europe following her high school graduation, Allyson meets a tall, dark, and mysterious man who convinces her to leave the tour and come with him to Paris.  After just one day, he mysteriously disappears...

My Take: 6 out of 10 (scale here)
I was really excited about this book, but it was another one where I didn't feel like the story lived up to its potential.  Part of my problem was that I did not like the guy, Willem.  He seemed very flaky and without depth.  Not sure if that was the character's fault or the author's.  I know there is a sequel, Just One Year, and it's supposed to be from his perspective, so perhaps she was holding back with him so she would be able to develop him further in that book.  Either way, it didn't really work for me.  I liked Allyson, though there were several times where I was like, "How big of an idiot ARE you?  Are you seriously going to do that??"  I did like the writing style and am interested in other books by this author.  I do not, however, think I will be reading Just One Year.

2014: Stealing from Lindsey

I am totally stealing this from Lindsey.  I like this idea a lot.  I have some 2014 goals, but I'm still hashing them out, and this is a great way to keep focus in the meantime:

A bad habit I'm going to break:
Complaining.  I do it way more than I think I do, and since I am surrounded on all sides by people who don't complain, it's becoming more and more obvious.  So, complaining.

A new skill I'd like to learn:
Less learn, more practice - the art of letting my will control my emotions.  I've been working on "letting it go" and am finding that my will is far more capable at controlling my feelings - and far better - than I had thought possible.  I'd like to make this a part of my every-day functioning.

A person I hope to be more like:
My husband.  He always thinks of others first.  He cares wholly and deeply.  He is always calm, cool, collected, un-stressed, and put together.  I want to be like that.

A good deed I'm going to do:
I'm not sure "deed" is the right word for this, but I want to find ways to build up my four-year-old every day.  I seem to spend an awful lot of time correcting him.  I want to come up with meaningful ways to affirm and encourage him, but he doesn't appear to care too much about my words.  Is there a love languages book for pre-schoolers?  Taking suggestions.

A place I'd like to visit:
Here

A book I'd like to read:
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fey.  I really hate reading for information, but I'm going to do it anyway.
 
A letter I'm going to write:
Thank yous for Christmas gifts :)
 
A new food I'd like to try:
More healthy stuff that's easy and delicious and cheap.  Taking suggestions.

I'm going to do better at:

Spending quality time with my family.  Not saying "I'm listening" to my husband and really checking my phone.  Not saying "No, honey, I'm making dinner" when my son asks if I want to play rocket ships.  Not saying "Ugh, Lucy, stay out of there" when she pulls ALL the pans out of the bottom cabinet while I'm unloading the dishwasher.  I'm not terrible at this, but I definitely have room to grow.