Spectacle

This summer, I went to the hospital to see Lindsey and her new baby. On my way out, my feet kind of steered themselves off the elevator and on to the second floor, down the narrow, windowed hall, past the stairway to the long hall that lead to the NICU. I sat down on one of the benches and stared through the glass doors and into the ward. I smelled the familiar smells. I watched the familiar sight of parents walking by and going through the drill. Sign in. Stick the thermometer under your tongue. Record the reading. Hand-sanitize. Get your key and go see your baby, hoping and praying with every step that she is well. I wondered how early their baby was.

And despite my best efforts to keep myself together, I sat on the bench and cried. I cried for my Lucy. I cried for the woman I was and the man my husband was then. I cried for the parents who were in the throes of this struggle. And I cried for their babies. And in any other setting, I might have made a spectacle of myself, but here, seeing someone you don't know in tears is just part of NICU culture. Because when your newborn looks like this, it's hard to hear even the doctors and nurses over all your worry. You can't see it in the picture, but Lucy has an IV in her head. (There's a hole in the hat, which I kept.) That thing on her face is called a bubble C-pap. There is also a feeding tube running up her nose. The sensor things taped to her torso are measuring breathing or blood flow or something. There is a blood pressure cuff on her foot and I can't remember what that thick tube in the back is for.

Last week, as a part of our connect group story, I read John 9:1-3:

As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. "Rabbi," his disciples asked him, "why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents' sins?" "It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him."

 So the power of God could be seen in her.

October 22, 2012, after a 19-day stay in the NICU, we took Lucy home. Within a year, she was caught up with her peers in size, and within two years, she was caught up with them entirely. And from the very moment of her birth, she has been a testament to the power of God.

Keep that up, Lucy Jean.

Kindergarten

This will be my 26th first day of school. My first one was in 1989. I remember my mom took me a day early. My hair had been fixed, my dress pressed, my backpack full of all my supplies. When we arrived and discovered we came on the wrong day, my mom and I both sat on the front steps of the school and cried. Neither one of us could wait for me to go to kindergarten. I have always thought back on this memory full of admiration for my mom. Most moms got weepy and clingy about things like kindergarten, middle school, prom, moving out - my mom was always overflowing with excitement. If she had any tendency toward weepiness, she never showed it. (Except of course on that day she brought me a day early to kindergarten.)

Now it's my turn. In two days, my son will get dressed, brush his teeth, grab his backpack, and begin one of the most important journeys upon which he will ever embark. 

We've been doing all sorts of things to prepare. Buying school supplies: 

Working on sight words:

And counting down the days:

I am mostly like my mom. I can't wait for him to go to kindergarten. I know he is going to love going to school, carrying his book bag, playing on the playground, eating in the lunchroom, having a classroom job, learning how to read. But a small part of me is like the other moms. I wonder where the time went. It doesn't seem possible that my little baby is not a little baby anymore, and in fact is ready for school!

Tomorrow we go meet his teacher and put his school supplies away. And as the details start getting closer and closer, I find myself wondering how he will do. How will he handle the first time he trips and falls on the playground? Who will his friends in his class be? How will he do in the lunchroom? I'm sure these are all normal, natural things to feel and wonder. And I'm not fretting. Truly. Just wondering. And praying that God will protect and use our boy!

The {New} Job

So, after two years of driving 70-90 minutes (depending on the time of day) twice a day to commute to work, Husband got a new job to which he drives 7-9 minutes (depending on the lights) twice a day.

I can't really put into words how this has changed our lives, so I'm not going to try. What I'm going to do instead is describe the extraordinary circumstances God used to get us here.

Circumstance #1: BURNOUT
I was overwhelmed. A typical day worked like this - up at 5 AM, chores, shower, dress, get kids up, dressed, fed, and out the door. Drop off at school (or sometimes Grandma's depending on Sister's location for the day), get to work, scramble to get stuff ready, teach ALL day, try to get the kids picked up by 3:45 (though it was usually 4), run any errands required, get home, try to get dinner ready, hurry up and eat it, and get wherever we were supposed to get (if it was a Wednesday or Thursday) and hope hope hope I wouldn't get a text that said, "Hey, I have to work late. Probably be home after the kids are in bed." He worked CONSTANTLY and also had to travel out of state. In fact, last year, he was gone the week before I had to go back to work and the week school started. And this was just me, people. Imagine how he was feeling - never home, always driving or working, never seeing the kids, leaving home before the sun comes up and coming home well after.

As you might imagine, this was leading to extreme frustration on both our parts - mine because I was shouldering almost all the home and child-raising responsibilities and working full-time, and his because he was always working or driving. We discussed moving there. We discussed moving halfway and both commuting. We discussed me getting another job that would allow me to be home more. We discussed everything we could possibly think of, and every time, the best solution was to get a job where we already live. But that was easier said than done.

Circumstance #2: COUNSEL
In January, he was offered a position on the East Coast with his job. That might have solved our problem - it meant we would just all move to the East Coast and we could buy a place close to his work. By the time the offer was finalized, it was relatively easy to turn down. It wasn't going to be enough for me to quit my job, which is really the only reason we would have considered it. Later that month, we asked a trusted friend to listen to our hearts about the situation and offer counsel. He did - he said, "You can't keep doing what you are doing. It's too much and it's not good for your kids. Let's pray for a job here."

Yes. That is a good idea.

Circumstance #3: BILL SELF'S HOUSE
In February, Husband was invited by our friends Zak and Jo to a charity event in Lawrence at Bill Self's house. Bill Self's house. This is REAL LIFE, people. BILL SELF'S HOUSE. (I was invited, too, but naturally, it was one of the FOUR EVENINGS A YEAR I HAVE TO WORK. So while he got to sit on Bill's couch and chat with Cindy, I was at parent teacher conferences trying to pretend I was happy about it.) As he was mingling and sending me pictures of Bill's pool table, Zak introduced him to a man who worked for an engineering firm in Lawrence. Husband knew the same company had an office where we live. 7-9 minutes away, to be exact. As they chatted, Husband learned that he actually ran the office in Lawrence, and when he learned Husband was driving over an hour to and from work every day, he said, "Well if you ever want to nix that drive, let me know. They are looking to hire an MEP (mechanical/electrical/pluming, PS). Send me your resume if you're interested."

People, MAGIC THINGS happen at Bill Self's house.

Circumstance #4: INTERVIEWS (5!)
We sent said resume. Obviously. Within a week, Husband had received an email asking if he'd like to meet a few of them for drinks - not an interview, but a "talk." He went and it went very very well. Our hopes were high.

Over the course of the next THREE MONTHS, Husband went in four more times. I'm not sure why they needed four (five, if you count the "talk") meetings with him, but FINALLY they offered him a job. Obviously, we were ecstatic. It was a bit of a pay cut, but not when you considered the money we'd save in gas, not to mention the priceless driving time! Husband called and accepted.
Yes,
yes,
yes.

Circumstance #5: Wait...what?
The next day was a Thursday. My people-pleaser husband was dreading telling his bosses (whom he loved, and who have always treated him well) that he was quitting. I think he felt physically ill. When he did it, both of them immediately responded with "We want to keep you. Let us get our ducks in a row and we will have a counter offer." Okay, let me be frank here. Husband is very, very good at his job. He is a perfectionist in the extreme, and in only two years, he had worked himself into project management positions and become the software expert on his team. He also very, very good with people, and if you know many engineers, you know this is not necessarily the case with all of them. Throughout his two years with this company, Husband has frequently been hailed and praised by his superiors for his "harmonious" disposition and his "leadership" skills and potential. So it wasn't exactly a shocker when they said they wanted to keep him. He basically told them this wasn't a career move - it wasn't about money. It was about being home more. And there was no possible way they could give that to him. So thank you for the compliment, and I have loved working with you, but putting together an offer would be a waste of your time.

They relented. We were looking forward to only two more weeks of driving! The night before his last few days, he said to me, "I'm really looking forward to these last few days. Low stress, tying up loose ends, and just being done."

I got an email at work the next day that said, "Can you talk? We have a problem..." Um...what? I called as soon as possible. Husband had just spent half an hour with the PRESIDENT (this is a a 500+ employee company, people). He said he had just learned that Husband was leaving. He offered him a 15% increase and the ability to work from home.

Wait...what?

"I am furious with your team for not offering this to you in the first place. We want to keep you. I realize you have already accepted this other offer, but you are the kind of guy we want to pass the company off to someday. We will do whatever we need to to keep you, which includes making an exception to that part of the handbook that says, 'Employees who live within 200 miles are expected to drive to work every day.' So, what do you say?"

I can honestly tell you Husband was heartbroken. He loved his job. He loved the people, he loved the company, he could see a future there for sure. Had he known this was an option (and why would he? NO ONE works from home. Not even the VPs!), we very likely would have taken it. I was proud of him for saying as much to the president, who nodded and said, "Yes, we dropped the ball. This was our fault and I'm sorry." In true Husband fashion, he thanked him for his time and faith in him, told him he'd already made a commitment, and shook his hand. The president said he understood and admired Husband for his decision, but should he ever change his mind, the offer would stand.

Two Months In:

Two months in, things are going well. Husband is home nearly every day by 4:40, rarely works overtime, and is learning new things. This company is much smaller, so his range of responsibilities has broadened considerably, but he is enjoying the challenge. We had lunch with Dad once a week this summer, and he will be doing drop offs for this school year (HALLELUJAH!). And just last week we went over to the house of one of the guys Husband works most closely with for swimming and a cookout. It was great fun! God has surely worked things together for good.

Turning 30

As it turns out, turning 30 is pretty much like turning 29.  Even though my good friend next door at school insists that I will look older when I go in on Monday.  It really was a whirlwind weekend.  Friday night we celebrated the wedding of a family friend, and looked pretty sharp for it, if I do say so.

This is my husband with the pastor and youth pastor - the only time you will catch these ministry men in ties is a wedding. Go figure.

Saturday morning, Charlie and I got up early and went garage saling.  I got a TON of clothes for Miss Lucy and some stuff for my nephew.  Then we headed to the Farmer's Market, which opened today!  It was a little sparse, but they had kettle corn, so we didn't complain.  We headed home and joined our neighborhood in our annual Easter Egg Hunt:

 And then we headed to lunch, where Charlie and I shared free dessert:

Then we took the boys to the barber:

And then we headed home where the kids napped, Daddy did yardwork, and Mommy TOOK A NAP!  Glorious.  We ate Chinese for dinner and headed out to the International Students Cookout where Doc let us drive the tractor:

And the International students admired Lucy:

And Lynda got a special cake for me and one of the other International Students, who was also celebrating a birthday:

 And of course, what cookout is complete without s'mores?

We ended the evening in my favorite manner - reading in bed.  I start teaching this book this week and it is officially one of my favorite books of all time:

Sunday we headed out to church.  I wasn't on worship team or tech team, but I had to be there for the mission moment in both services and a meeting between services for our new connect group.  Details later...

We rushed home so we could eat and head out to baseball practice, but...

See all those storm clouds?  It didn't last long.  So instead we came home, and while both kids napped, we did laundry and cleaned up.  And then I got the bright idea to go shopping and, well...

I went to the Pink Suitcase.  I feel supremely guilty about this because Lindsey, Jenny, and Jolie have been trying to find a time for all of us to go and I asked them to wait until my birthday so I would have birthday money to spend.  In my defense, I wasn't going to go in at all, but it seemed a shame to waste a trip to the mall without kids, so I thought I'd just look.  Then I thought I'd just try on.  Then I thought I'd just, well, buy. :(  Sorry, ladies.  But on the upside, Rick really liked it and I have a dress to wear for Easter next week!

 We ended the evening by dyeing Easter Eggs using food coloring and shaving cream, which you can see in the corner of this picture.  I will do a post later on how exactly to do this and how they turned out for us.  The real fun was when we covered the table with shaving cream and all three of us played.  (We did this after Lucy went to bed - she would have wanted to join in the fun by eating it.)

 

And of course, he wanted a shaving cream shirt and hat, which Daddy decided to give him:

ll in all, it was a wonderfully fun weekend.  Thanks to everyone who was a part of it!

12 Days of Reflection: #6 - The Job

 On June 10th, 2013, my husband started his new job. (Details on how he got it here and here.)

And there was much rejoicing.

He's been there 6 months.  They love him (he is pretty loveable) and he's already made himself an asset to the company.  Like most engineers, he is painfully detailed and organized, extremely efficient, and very knowledgeable.  But unlike most engineers, he is very much a people-person.  He has become the person his team goes to for help, whether it be software (he's one of the only folks on his team who knows one of the architect programs), or just a hand with a project.  They have to log their time according to project, and one day he told me he spent a total of five of his eight hours helping people.  That is the kind of thing that would frustrate my obsession with being productive, but he is patient and a good teacher.  He also has a way of making people feel at ease, a gift I think he inherited from his grandpa Harold.

The commute can be rough and the hours long, but ultimately, this is definitely one of the best decisions of 2013.

Proud wife, here.

Blogtemtober: Describe a Moment When Your Life Took a Turn

It was July 1, 2003.  I had taken the day off work so I could go with my boyfriend to Kansas City for the day.  But wouldn't you know, I got my stupid period and ended up being quite uncomfortable, so we came back to town and I took a nap.  Several hours later, Rick slipped in quietly, woke me up, and asked me if I wanted to be his wife.  He had a grandiose plan to propose on the 4th with fireworks, but the jewelers had called him on the way back from Kansas City to tell him the ring was ready, and he couldn't wait.

We were 19 and had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.  All we knew was that we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

We knew enough.

The Job: Part 2

Continued from The Job: Part 1

As the day of the interview dawned (Monday, May 21st), I think I was more nervous than he was.  We had gone over interview questions they were likely to ask (what are your strengths/weaknesses, why do you want this job, why should we hire you, etc), but the bottom line was that there wasn't much more he could do in the way of preparation.

I fretted all morning.  I was in the lab doing typing testing with my kids, which required a lot of direct focus from me, but whenever I had a down moment I was thinking about 1:30. 1:30. 1:30.  My planning period ends at 2:10, but I hovered near my phone during study hall just in case.  After the bell rang I went down the hall to talk to some of my teacher friends and by the time I got back, there was a red light on my phone.  The message said, "Hey - call me back," in a spectacularly regular tone of voice.  I called back instantly and...

They loved him.

They loved him.  The lady flat out told him that they loved him and she'd be in touch tomorrow.  He said they hardly asked him any questions - they were trying to sell him on their company (which was very like the interview I had before I got my job!).  He liked the people, the building was super high-end and modern, they have dry cleaning in-house and a hair stylist that comes in every other week, they have a rec room with a pool and ping-pong table (in case you get bored or over-worked?  Man, I wish they had those at my job!).  Whaaaaat?

But more than that, Rick felt it would be a good fit.  He was very hopeful leaving the interview, and true to their word, they called back the next day and offered him the job.

What does that mean for us?  Oh, so many things.  It does not mean relocation (we are staying here, at least for this year) and it does not mean he is quitting his job at the church.  He is happy there and he can do both.  It does mean that, after nearly six years of Rick having either no job or a part-time job, we are suddenly going to have a substantial 2nd income.  It means all the work he has put in over the last six years is going to be bearing fruit.  It means we can finally pay off our cars and begin to pay down the student loans we have incurred over the last few years.  And it means new opportunities and experiences, for which we are so grateful to God.  He has provided for us in ways we never could have chosen for ourselves.  All glory to Him :)

Today is his first day on the job.  I know he's going to be great! :)

The Job: Part 1

My husband finished degree program number three last year at this time (read about it here and here) and started a fourth with his master's degree in architectural engineering with an emphasis in power structures.  All the while, I have been teaching, he's been working at the church, and God has taken care of every financial need we have encountered (a miracle in itself, because I'm pretty sure there have been times this year when the outflow was more than the inflow).

After the roughest year of our married (or maybe entire?) lives, we found ourselves in bed the other night talking about job openings.  We had gone back and forth about applying for jobs or having him finish his masters, or possibly working more at the church, when Rick found a job listing for a firm in Kansas City.  He really liked this company and they had a reputation for excellence and hiring KU grads.  He updated his resume and applied on Friday night.  To be honest, I didn't think they would call him back.  It was the only place he applied, he didn't have any experience, and this job looked pretty sweet.  I was sure we needed a connection of some sort, and we didn't have one.

On Wednesday of the following week, Rick received an email inviting him to contact their HR department to set up a time to "chat."  Rick called and received a call back the next day.  The lady asked him some questions and told him she was taking his information to her team.  Friday he received an email inviting him to come for an interview at 1:30.

My feelings at this point?  I am surprised it went this far.  He hasn't had an internship or a job, at least, not one in the field.  But I'm starting to hope now, because if you've met my husband, you know how extremely likeable and easygoing he is.  He makes a great first impression, and if they weren't bothered by the lack of experience, I knew the rest would be a piece of cake.

But now we just had to wait for Monday at 1:30.

Why I Loved My C-Sections

 I visited my cousin in the hospital last night.  Her baby had been born the day before and been taken by C-section.  My cousin was slightly disappointed, but we were talking about all the pluses of C-setions, and there are many! Though I happen to know this is not what you hear from most women:

"I hope I have a C-section.  That would be nice."

But that was totally me.  I don't know if it's because my mom had C-sections, or because God was preparing me in this weird way for mine or what, but when the doctor told me my baby boy was breech, I got a little excited.  When she mentioned C-section, I got a lot excited.

Why?

• It's planned. I am a planner, and by nature, I don't like surprises.  I like plans.  Ask my husband.  He knows better than to spring things on me, even if they are good things.  Also, I teach middle school and one of my ultimate fears was that my water would break at school in front of my kids and they (particularly my boys) would be grossed out and scarred for life.  I know it seems like a small thing, but it was a legitimate thing I that obsessed about slightly.
• It's quick. Labor can last a long stinking time.  I can honestly say I was never afraid of the pain (seriously - I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I am proud of it!), just the length of discomfort.

And my C-sections - both of them - were wonderful.  WONDERFUL, I tell you!  And, having had two, I can tell you there are lots of perks besides just the two above:

• The doctor is there the whole time. My doctor walked me into the room, helped me get my spinal, and saw me through the entire thing.  When my sister-in-law had her baby, the doctor didn't even come in until the last second.  With a C-section, they are there the whole time, and not only one, but two!
• It doesn't feel like a C-section. I was pretty nervous about being buck-naked (that's the correct expression, right?  I've heard butt-naked, but I think it was from a kid who didn't know better) in front of all those people.  But once the medicine takes effect (quickly), it feels like there's a heavy blanket on you, so you really forget that you are showing your wares off to what feels like the entire hospital staff!
• Baby is PERFECT! He hasn't been shoved through a vagina so his head is perfectly round and beautiful.  He also hasn't been through the trauma of birth.  The nurses in the hospital explained that C-section babies are often much calmer babies and much better sleepers than vaginal-birth babies.  Both of mine are calm and great sleepers, so I guess it's true!
• The recovery isn't that bad. I know not everyone has the same experiences, but for me, things went just right and I was up walking around that night with both.  I know that's not normal because all the nurses kept commenting on how people aren't usually up until the next day, but it's what happened for me.  They sent me home with pain meds, but I didn't take them much past the first few days.
• The scar is small.  A friend of mine once told me she was afraid of having this big enormous scar across her belly.  I explained that 1) it's not across your belly - it's VERY low, and 2) by the time your stomach has shrunk back down, the scar is only a few inches long.
• You aren't all...stretched out down there.  You get my drift, right?

I have found only two notably bad things about C-sections:

• Itching.  My face itched SO BAD for the first 12 hours or so after the procedure.  It was almost unbearable.  My mom thought of a wet washcloth to rub on my face so I didn't scratch it off, but man alive! It was bad. I have heard that this is a byproduct of the anesthesia, so whether you give birth vaginally or not, it happens.
• People think that what you did is somehow less significant than what they did.  I remember being with some friends and talking about giving birth.  One of my friends who had given birth vaginally said, "Only you didn't give birth."  I was a bit taken aback and said, "Yes, I did."  "No," she continued. "It's not the same thing.  Pushing a baby out of you is totally different."  This really hurt my feelings.  I like to think she didn't mean it that way, but it made me feel excluded and like what I had done wasn't as special.  I know in my head that this is not true, but there is an air of superiority around vaginal births that can make us C-section moms feel like we are not up to par.  But the truth is that we both were participants in the miracle of birth, regardless of how it happened.

I know that this is not true for every woman.  I have heard of many women (my mother included) who have horror stories to tell about the surgery going bad, or recovery keeping them down for weeks, or what have you.  I am thankful that that was not my experience.  My experience was grand. :)

Making Progress

Lucy has done a great job over the past few days.  Our biggest victory was last night - she took her ENTIRE FEEDING (44 mLs) from a bottle!  That is huge and one step closer to taking all her feedings from a bottle exclusively.  Here's her progress report as of today:

Obviously, we are very proud of her!  And she got a special visitor today - Nana (Rick's mom), who has been sick since Lucy was born, is fully recovered and was able to come visit today!  Now all the grandparents and all of our siblings have gotten to meet Lucy!

AND, she is up to 4 lbs, 10 oz!  Four more ounces and she will be at her birth weight!



2. NICU (and Progress Report)

As a premature baby, or "premie," as they are frequently called, Lucy was admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) almost immediately upon her arrival.  The NICU provides support to these babies by creating an environment that is as "womb-like" as possible by which regulating breathing, temperature, feedings, excretions, etc. according to the needs of the baby.  I have outlined the big events here, beginning with her birth:

Day 1 (Wednesday, Oct 3):
Weight - 4 lbs, 14 oz
-born 11:47 AM
-admitted to NICU, placed in an incubator to regulate her body temperature and put on a c-pap to help regulate her breathing

Day 2 (Thursday, Oct 4):
-removed from c-pap and placed on hi-flow - one step down from c-pap in terms of respiratory support
-began breast milk feedings via tube in her mouth

Day 3 (Friday, Oct 5):
Weight - 4 lbs, 10 oz
-placed back on c-pap during the night as her breathing was irregular - did MUCH better
-pooped for first time and continued to pee

Day 4 (Saturday, Oct 6):
Weight - 4 lbs, 10 oz
-began to cry when she was hungry - a GREAT sign :)
- began increasing feedings by 2 mL/feeding, which she tolerated well

Day 5 (Sunday, Oct 7):
Weight - 4 lbs, 9 oz
-moved to full feedings (almost 1.5 oz)
-spit up a few times

Day 6 (Monday, Oct 8)
Weight - 4 lbs, 9 oz
-removed the c-pap and brought back the hi-flow, which went VERY well
-spit up a few times

Day 7 (Tuesday, Oct 9)
Weight (they weigh in the evenings, so we don't know yet)
-in a CRIB, which means she is maintaining her body temperature on her own!
-continues to spit up, so they spread her feedings out over a longer period of time

I spoke with the nurse practitioner in charge of Lucy this morning and she is very pleased with Lucy's progress.  She gave me the criteria Lucy must master before going home.  I have arranged it, along with Lucy's progress on each, in the chart below:

So we are making progress!  We can't work on the feeding stuff until the breathing is mastered, but we are well on our way.  She hardly needed any oxygen today, so we are hoping that will be the next thing we can cross off :)

1. Birth

There is so much I could put into this post - it's all still sharp and fresh in my memory - but I decided to keep it simple, and go with moments I know I will never forget.

• Seeing familiar faces in the ward, thanks to my 5 day stint at the hospital in September.  I was overjoyed to see that Rhonda was my nurse again and would be seeing me through surgery.
• In the triage room before heading into surgery, when Rick cheerfully donned the scrubs and the ridiculous-looking shower cap-thing they make you wear on your head.  He prayed with me before we went in.
• Reminding the doctors and nurses to please not forget to bring my husband in.  (They make him wait outside during prep.) They assured me they wouldn't and were true to their word.  He came in, grabbed my hand and kissed me, and then we both got ready.  We remembered from last time how things move very, very quickly from this point.
• The strangeness of feeling people's hands inside you, and feeling tugging and pushing and pulling, and being able to hear them talking about your skin and tissues and guts, but not be able to feel any pain.  Very strange, but definitely the way I like it.
• Rick's first glimpse of our daughter.  I watched as he watched them bring her into the world - butt, then legs, then head.  It was the sweetest moment - there was such...tenderness in his expression - falling in love.
• Hearing her cry!  I hadn't realized until that moment just how anxious I was about whether she would be okay.  34 weeks is a huge milestone for a pre-mature baby, but it is still very early.  Hearing her strong little squall was a huge relief and set off my water-works.
• Seeing her for the first time.  The doctor immediately brought her around the curtain to where we could see her - she was a mass of hair and flesh and white stuff (I asked later and they said it's a natural protectant for the baby's skin that is produced in the womb...how amazing is that?) and noise - beautiful!
• Rick kissing me and hugging my head (as best he could) and telling me how proud he was of me, and how much he loved me.  He then following the doctor to a little corner of the room where she did an examination.
• Feeling SO anxious to know how much she weighed.  She looked bigger than I thought she would but I was still nervous.  Rhonda came and took Rick's place (she is amazing - more about her later) and told me that baby looked "awesome" and very good-sized.
• Seeing her again just before she left the room with Daddy.  They had her wrapped up set her on my shoulder so I could see her just before she went downstairs to get all checked out.  My brilliant husband had the great idea to take pictures and some video with my phone and leave it with me so I could look through them while they finished sewing me up (which is 70% of the length of the surgery).
• Rhonda wheeling me into recovery and telling me how great I did, how great baby looked, and what a success everything was overall.
• Itching. My. Face. Off.
• My sweet husband, returning upstairs with her stats (all but weight, which seemed like it took forever to get! I included them below) and telling me how perfect she was!

Lucy Jean
October 3, 2012

11:47 AM

4 lbs, 14 oz

17 3/4 inches

What an amazing blessing.  So many things could have gone wrong (which I was reminded of when I saw the anesthesiologist's "medical assistant" who performed my spinal.  Seriously?  Did they need a student to do that? I could hear the anesthesiologist coaching him, saying things like, "You're too far left -you're hitting the such-and-such..." yikes) but everything went right.

Thank you, Lord, for this sweet blessing.

More to come...

Dear Lucy

Dear Lucy,

Today is your birthday - the real one, where you make your entrance into this wonderful world.  I cannot tell you how heavily you have been anticipated.  We have thought about you and looked forward to your arrival from the moment your brother was born almost three years ago, and when we found out you were on your way, we were so very happy.

I knew from the moment I discovered I was pregnant that you were a girl.  I can't explain how, but it's true.  Ask your daddy (who scoffed right up until the sonogram, when it was obvious you were a girl).  I have worried and fretted about you like I never did with your brother because you are a girl.  Since I am a girl, I know just how hard it can be.  But the good news is that you were created in the Image of the God of the Universe, Who wove you together in my tummy and Whose hand is on you today and every day of your life.  Sometimes it's hard - especially for girls - to keep from seeking the approval of the world around you.  I promise that your daddy and I will do everything we can to help you understand that you need no approval except God's.  I pray today and for the rest of your life that you will grow to understand that, and to seek to follow after Him with everything you are made of (which, considering your gene pool, is some pretty great stuff, if I do say so).

You are named for two very special people.  The first is a work of fiction.  Lucy Pevensie is the star of my very favorite series of books, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.  One day, we will read them together and you will discover that, while Lucy doesn't always do as she should, she is the most faithful follower of the King of all the other humans in the story.  She is also the youngest and often overlooked.  But she is a wonderful character, and one of my favorites in all of literature.

Your middle name is your great-grandmother's - Clara Jean Blankenship.  She is your daddy's-mommy's mommy.  Since your daddy and I grew up together, I remember her vaugely, but she died when your daddy was young.  He wanted your middle name to be Jean after her.  Someday, he and your nana can tell you all about her.

Well, it's 7:00 AM and we have to be at the hospital in two hours to start getting ready to meet you.  I can hear your daddy's alarm clock going off upstairs, but before I go, I want to tell you just a bit about your big brother.  Even though he doesn't quite understand, he knows who you are.  He knows you are in my tummy - he has often asked to "pet Mommy," which is where he comes and pets my tummy and says "Hi baby Lucy."  I am excited to see the two of you together, and even more excited for the days when you are older and you can count each other among your very best friends.

I love you, dear baby girl, and I can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Mommy

Baby Tomorrow

At my appointments today, it was decided that I would deliver at 34 weeks, and by 34 weeks, they meant tomorrow.  TOMORROW.  Wednesday, October 3, 2012.  11 AM.  Yikes.

Needless to say, we were a little shocked.  We thought we would at least have until Friday, but no.  Rick started to get sick to his stomach and I immediately began thinking of all the things that aren't done (I haven't washed her clothes yet, the nursery is a series of piles, the house isn't clean, I haven't taken a single good belly picture, etc.).  We received this news at 430 PM, and for the next two hours I was in and out of tears.  Some were out of worry and anxiousness about an early delivery (which guarentees admission into the NICU), some were out of an understanding of what is to come (which is far more informed and adequate than it was the last time around), but most were for my son.  His world is about to be rocked and he has no idea.  I started to think about how this was my last night with just him.  I wanted to make it count as much as I could.  So I forgot bed rest and tried to make the most of our last night, just the three of us.  We picked him up from Nana's and got ice cream, played in the park, ordered pizza, and watched his TV show of choice (Thomas the Train).  We took a bath, put on our jamies, and tucked into bed.  He always asks for his sheet and his teddy bear, and then he holds out his hand and asks to pray.  We have been letting him repeat our prayer, but lately, Rick has had him pray on his own.  He thanked God for the day, for Mommy and Daddy, and for baby Lucy, all on his own.  More tears.  He is such a precious boy.

I feel some guilt at the percentage of thought-space my son has occupied  as compared to my daughter throughout this pregnancy, and specifically since I've been on bed rest.  With my first pregnancy, he was all I thought about.  With this pregnancy, he's still been heavy on my mind.  Rather than thinking about Lucy and her future, I've been thinking about Charlie and missing time with him and wondering how he will adjust to having a sister.  I'm hoping this is normal.

As I illuded to earlier, this time around I understand what a baby means.  It means no sleep.  It means constant anxiety.  It means pumping and messes and diapers ALL THE TIME.  But it also means overwhelming joy - the kind of which can never be matched, except perhaps in heaven itself.

Ah, okay.  Deep breath, big day tomorrow.  Time for a good night's sleep.

The Waiting Game

 On Monday, I went in for another sonogram and discovered that my fluid level had dropped to a 3 (most women at my gestation are at a 12 or above).  The doctor told me to continue bed rest, water immersion treatments, and serious hydration and he'd see me next Tuesday.  This alarmed my husband and me because up to this point they had been checking my fluid level every few days and hit had been steadily decreasing.  So when I woke up in the wee hours Friday morning with some stomach pain, I called the doctor.  They ordered me to the hospital for a non-stress test.  As always, Lucy's strip was perfect, but they did a sonogram to check the levels anyway.  As of this afternoon, I was at a 7!  That is GREAT news...but I was at an 8 two weeks ago and two days later I was back down to a 4...so what does that really mean?

So at this point we are just waiting.  I have heard that we will deliver at 34 weeks, I have heard we will try to wait until 36, but nothing is for sure.  Obviously, we would rather wait until 36 weeks, as that is considered "term" and would be best for the baby.  However, if my fluid level continues to drop, the atmosphere inside the womb becomes more dangerous for the baby than the outside world, so I guess that is what the doctors will have to determine.

I have been in such a state of aggravation over all of this.  I know that, as time passes, the baby is getting stronger, but I feel like the world's laziest bum on the couch all day.  I am finding things to keep me busy and did have a very productive day last week, but I am still feeling like a lump.  I am praying for patience and trying to remember that in a year, this little stint on bed rest will feel like it was nothing.

Baby Girl Prep!

It's September.  Our little girl is due at the beginning of November.  That's two months away.

Yikes.

Two months before our son was born, we had already done this:

 

Refinished and painted a dresser for his room

Repainted his room a softer blue

Hung a chair rail, and spent hours and lots of frog tape painting and repainting stripes.

Obtained and assembled a crib

Purchased and hung a ceiling fan

Registered

So far with this baby? Zip. Nada. Nothing.

As I said, yikes.

So this weekend we are working on baby things.  For the room, we have a few things going:

Crib Bedding

I bought this at a garage sale during my first pregnancy, before I knew I was having a boy.  While I'm not a huge fan of the pink and purple, I liked the design and the price ($5 for it and a matching bed skirt).  I've hung on to it and I think it's what we are going to use.  We've decided not to paint the room, and this goes with the blue that is already on the walls.  I will probably need a few more crib sheets, but other than that, we are set for bedding.


Tissue Poms
Have you seen these?  We were looking around on pinterest for ideas and found this picture.  We found an YouTube tutorial and are thinking we will make some of these to hang over the crib and the dresser.  The room has support beams across the top so this will be a perfect way to incorporate them into the decorations.

Furniture
She will be using this crib (but with the above bedding):

And this bookshelf will go in her room (we took it out of our son's once he got a big boy bed so that there was no danger of him climbing on it while we were not in the room):

The only thing we need is a dresser.  We opted to go with a dresser instead of a changing table with our son because a dresser is so much more practical once they are out of diapers.  We have looked on craigslist.com, but so far we've come up with nothing.  We'd like to stay with white, and every time I think about a dresser for her room, I picture this one that I saw at Ikea:

It is perfect and exactly what I want.  But even if we could afford the $250 price tag, we can't get it because Ikea doesn't ship and the closest ones are Denver, Chicago, and Dallas, which I believe are all roughly the same distance away.  We haven't looked in any furniture stores yet, but I'm guessing anything we find that we want would be more expensive, not cheaper.  Oh well - we'll figure something out.

And, um...well, that's it.  We already have a swing, a double-stroller, an activity mat, and oh yeah...CLOTHES!  I have two giant tubs full of clothes through 18 months that I probably paid a grand total of $20 for.  My mom and some friends have also contributed. :)

There are a few things I would like to have for her:

• Bouncy Seat: the one we had with our son was worthless - I sold it at our garage sale.  We ended up borrowing a friend's Fisher Price Kick & Play bouncer (pictured).  It was perfect because it lit up, played music, and vibrated.  Our son was mesmerized.

•  Medela breast milk storage bags: I am not kidding you when I say we went through nearly 400 breast milk storage bags.  The Medela brand ones were the only ones that didn't leak consistently.  With Lansinoh, about 4 in every 5 leaked, and with NUK, about 3 in every 5.  The latter were obviously cheaper, but definitely at a cost.  That stuff is like liquid gold, and when you see it pouring out of the bag into the sink or onto the counter top, the least of your concerns is the mess.  These don't often go on sale, but I have found eBay is a great place to buy them at a discounted rate.

Hmm...I think that's really it!  We will obviously need diapers and wipes, but I think all the rest is covered!   Now we just have to get to work preparing the nursery.  I'll put pics up when we get there. :)