Day 31: A Vivid Memory

It was June 19th, 2004.
I was 20.
I was getting married in three hours.
I was done up - make up on, hair done, dress fitted - all I needed was a groom.

Two of my bridesmaids were abhorred at the idea of me seeing my husband before the wedding, but we wanted a moment, just the two of us, before the flurry of activity began.  So we took it in a small classroom at the church.  We smiled, whispered, talked, and prayed.  Then we walked out of the room to pictures, guests, music, cake,

and the rest of our lives.

Day 28: Pictures Only

Day 30: React to the Term "Letting Go"

I don't like this prompt, so instead I'm going to reflect on the Blog Every Day in July challenge.

I enjoyed this because 1) I like to write and find the added element of being told what to write fun and intriguing and 2) I LOVED reading everyone else's answers.  I loved how some of us chose to go the same route on certain questions, and on others I found myself thinking, "I never would have thought to answer it like that."  There are many things that were shared that may never have been shared otherwise, and I really liked that.  I also like that at least three friends have started blogs in July, and I'm crediting at least some of it to this challenge.

But I'm glad it's over.

Blog-future looks like this: few and far between.  School starts next week and this teacher is going to be booking it.  Between getting my kids where they need to be, getting myself to work, food prep, exercising, keeping my house in some semblance of order, and trying to find quality time to spend with my family, I'm calling it now - I will be absent from the cyber waves in the very near future.  But I feel like blogging 42 times (as I will have by the end of the month) makes up for it.

:)

Day 29: Five Key Pieces of Music

Most of mine are choral because that's my background and that's where music has spoken to me most strongly over the years.  And doing this made me realize how very much I miss it.


"What Would I Do without My Music?" - Anyone who has come through the vocal music program at WRHS knows this song.  I actually found this youtube video of TG farewell from a few years ago.  If you are unfamiliar with this song, they do it every year and at the last concert of the year they invite alumni up to sing with them.  This wasn't a year we were there, but you'll get the gist.  A song that inspires tears and so many memories.

"Sing Me to Heaven" - When you are a musician, your perception of music is largely impacted by your instructors.  I have had many many teachers over the years, but my choral director in high school takes the freaking cake.  He loved this song, and I loved it partly because it's love-worthy and partly because I love him.  When his wife died, he played my year's version of this song at her funeral.  It. Is. Beautiful.

"Sicut Cervus" - Psalm 42 in the most beautiful Latin and melody imaginable.  I love this song so much.  I have a recording of our choir singing it at Kansas State University, and it's every bit as beautiful as this version.

"His Eye Is on the Sparrow" by Audrey Assad
Actually, this isn't the arrangement I grew up with (this one is more like it), but I love this new, redone version so much that I had to share it.  I have begged my husband to do this at church, and hopefully an appropriate occasion will present itself soon.  I love this song because it weaves heart, soul, and scripture into an unforgettable melody.  I wish I would have listened to my parents and sung it for our farewell concert in high school.

Our song: "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds
Luck has nothing to do with it, but in college, our ridiculously talented friend Nicolas played the piano and sang this song at our Cabaret performance our freshman year.  There was a moment when Rick and I looked at each other from across the room, and with only that glance, we knew that this was a nearly perfect expression of how we felt about each other.  I still tear up every time I hear it.

Day 27: Letter to Your Readers

Dear Readers,

You are great!  I don't write for you - I write for me - but I am thrilled that you find something here which you deem worthy of return.

:)

Day 26: Something I Read Online

I read this article after a friend posted it on Facebook.  If you care to read it, try to get past the poor prose...go for content.  If you don't, the basic gist is this:

A couple attended a wedding and gave the newlyweds a basket of foods - jolly ranchers, marshmallow creme, balsamic vinegar, etc. with a card that said, "Life is delicious...enjoy."  Soon after, they received a text from the newlyweds asking for receipts so they could return the items, as one of the brides was intolerant of gluten.  A texting dialogue ensued and quickly bypassed casual to uncomfortable, and escalated into an all out war from there.  The givers were told by the newlyweds, "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding, people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate, and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :)"  This was the last smily face that was exchanged.  The whole texting battle can be found in the original link.

I didn't read the whole conversation, but I did read the article to my husband.  We were actually driving to a wedding as I was reading it out loud from my phone.  His reaction was the same as mine.  And here is what we would say to them:

Dear Newlywed Brides,

Are you serious?  Are you SERIOUS?

Before we address the utterly ridiculous prospect of actually telling someone that they owed you a better gift for your wedding, let's review the purpose of a wedding.  I feel somewhat qualified to address this topic, as I have been involved in over 100 weddings (no joke) over the course of my life, including my own.  The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the union of two people who love each other with the ones they love.  It is not, as you say "to make money for your future."  A wedding should be the most glorious day of your life.  It's not about decorations.  It's not about pictures.  It's not about gifts, and it is certainly not about money.  It's a day to celebrate one of the most important decisions you will ever make with people you love and who love you.  Gifts are an added bonus.

I don't know how much money the gift-givers have.  They may have been loaded.  Millionaires.  Zillionaires.  Let's pretend for the sake of conversation that they were zillionaires.  It might be okay for you to think, "Huh, I know they have a ton of money, and it seems like they would have given us something a little nicer."  That might be okay.  BUT YOU SURE AS HECK DON'T SAY IT!  Geesh, people!  Now the far more likely situation is that these were average folks with an average income.  They may have gotten the idea for a picnic basket full of food from Pinterest, or maybe even their own creativity.  It was kind and thoughtful even though the you were unable to use it.

And I have ground-breaking news for you.  Are you ready?  Everyone gets gifts they don't want or need at their weddings.  But, as you seem to be lacking in this thing called tact, let me give you a few pointers by telling you what all the kind, considerate, and polite folks do:

1. Regift - this is a great practice.  If you know someone who can use this gift, give it to them. 
2. Donate -  your gift was food!  Donate it to a local food pantry or drop-in center.
3. Garage Sale - sell it at your next garage sale 
4. AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, APPRECIATE THE THOUGHT!  Surely you've heard the old adage, "It's the thought that counts" (or maybe not...as you don't appear to have an abundance of manners, and therefore may not have had a very respectable upbringing).  Well, it's true.  These people obviously cared enough to give you something, and even if it's not something you wanted, it was time, energy, and money spent.

Your wedding should be joyful.  So joyful, in fact, that something as small and insignificant as this should be just that - small and insignificant.  I sincerely hope that you have come to your senses and gotten back to the reason you got married in the first place.  Surely it wasn't to make money.  If it was, I'm afraid to say you have a long and difficult marriage ahead of you.

Sincerely,

Someone who would never have the guts to actually say any of this to you, but totally thinks it

Day 25: Something Someone Told You about Yourself (Good or Bad)

I have already written a blog post on this topic.  Click here. :)

Day 24: My Top 3 Worst Traits

This post was so easy to write.  Being a recovering pessimist, these are the things that fill my mind during down times.  Though I will tell you it was rough to stick with three.  And the three are ugly.  I mean it.  This is not pretty stuff.  But I'm not holding back - this is the real deal.

1. I care WAY too much about what other people think about me. I think there is a healthiness to being mindful of what others think. It can help keep you accountable when you are pressing toward a goal. It can help you be considerate when you are working to serve others. But I take it way past healthy and into the tragic, dark depths of obsession. Literally. What do my in-laws really think about me? What does my boss really think about me? What does the lady in the aisle behind me think about how I just disciplined my child at the grocery store?  Seriously - I think it's a disease. I recently read this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

It made me feel a bit better.


2. I have trouble letting things go. I still have hurts from a decade ago that I haven't fully been able to kick.  I so admire people who can just bounce back.  I want to be able to forgive and forget, but I often can't get that forget thing down.  Not cool.

3. I am critical of people I don't know and love. Someone will walk by in the mall and I will be like, "She should not be wearing those pants," like I'm some expert on fashion who has never made a clothing faux pas. Or I will come home after school and be like, "You will not believe what this parent did with their kid," and then rattle it off, acting as if I know all the circumstances that went into that parent making that (wrong) decision. Or I will be like, "That child didn't say thank you," because my child always uses his manners (ahem).  I do come by this habit honestly, but it is no excuse. My husband is the exact opposite of this and he is so good about calling me out. I am grateful for his gentle reminders that I have not been appointed high judge over all fashion, parenting, and manners, or anything, for that matter. The world is full of screwed-up people (of which I am one) who are just doing their best.

Ugh.

Day 23: Things I've Learned that School Won't Teach Me

I've learned that my parents really know what they are talking about.
I've learned that students need loved more than they need taught.
I've learned that my children grow way too fast, and even though I am eager for next steps, I know there will be a day when I am wishing for last steps.
I've learned that the best way to learn something hard is by doing it.
I've learned that I really can do it...most of the time.
And I've learned that when I can't, I can through Jesus. (Phil 4:13) 
I've learned that being a mom is a learning experience, and it's okay if I don't get it perfect all the time.
I've learned that life is too short to spend it on anger, regrets, worry, or fear.
I've learned that doing the right thing because it is the right thing is always worth it.
I've learned that there is nothing I can do to separate me from the love of God. (Rom 8:38-39)

Day 22: What Makes Me Sad

Actually, Day 22 is supposed to be a rant, but as this topic makes me sad, not mad, I changed it.

This was a hard post for me to write.  It's a hard issue for my heart.

Please allow me to preface by saying that this post is in NO way meant to offend or insult those who choose to home-school their children.  It is certainly a significant and noble undertaking.  I have many friends who were home-schooled and many others who currently home-school their own children.  I can appreciate and support their decisions whole-heartedly.

But home-schooling still makes me sad, and this post is simply an explanation of why it does so.

• Because people are dissatisfied with the public school system.  I totally get this.  There all kinds of problems.  Bullying on the playground.  Ineffective teachers.  Districts choosing to employ curriculum that beats only the content of the state assessment into kids' heads instead of skills significant to the real world.  A lack of differentiation in both instruction and assessment.  Pacing that moves too slow for some kids and too fast for others, because HELLO, we've got state assessments in two months and we've got to get through it.  Not enough enrichment for high learners.  Not enough support for the low ones.  Not enough attention for the middle-of-the-road performers.  If someone is home-schooling their children because of religious reasons, that opens a completely separate can of worms.  Some public schools teach evolution as fact rather than theory.  Some schools teach BCE (before common era) instead of BC (before Christ).  I could go on and on.  Believe me, folks - I'm a public school educator.  I GET IT.  I wish it were better.  I wish the public school system was worth the faith of today's parents.  I truly do.

• Because there are a lot of really fabulous teachers out there.  That's not to say that parents aren't, or that every teacher is, but there is something about a good teacher.  Will you allow me to quote one of the best teachers alive?  She says this about teaching:

       "Teaching is a passion that seeps into a person's blood. Once it is there, each day becomes a new adventure with new ideas; 'wonder what the kids will think about...; wow, that concept never occurred to me.' The grand reward comes from a constant well spring of new perspectives - fresh thoughts from fresh minds. Of course, the challenge is to give each fresh mind the motivation to think - to think independently and deeply. That is when the teacher's heart skips a beat and then races through the proverbial happy dance."

There are some teachers who really believe this and embody it to the fullest extent.  Many of them teach in my building.

• Because (and this is the big one) these students, who would otherwise be having a positive impact on their publicly-schooled peers, are kept at home. In my experience, (I teach middle school) the number one factor in a student's success is his/her parents.  Parents who care enough to educate their children at home obviously care enough to teach their children character, and in many cases, faith.  These students are models for other students who don't have similar home situations.  Students who don't have support at home (and please please believe me when I tell you that these students are plentiful - even in my affluent district) have school, and most of the time, that's it.  It's why we have so many behavioral problems before Christmas break or the summer.  Some of these kids don't want to be home because home is unstructured, unstable, and, in some cases, unsafe.  For these kids, teachers and fellow classmates are the only people from whom they can learn life.  Teachers are great...but we can only do so much.  Fellow students are where the difference really comes into play.  I have watched good, solid kids help unstable, needy kids.  I have watched kids whose home lives are train wrecks learn how to be successful.  It can happen.  But it won't happen if all the kids who have the skills to come alongside them and help them learn to succeed are kept home.

Sigh.  I wish things were different.  I wish the public school system was better.  I wish every teacher was as good as Mrs. B.  I wish kids who have it rough could learn from kids who have it sweet.  Actually, if I'm wishing for things, I wish every kid could have it sweet.  I wish they all could have parents who love them, discipline them, sacrifice for them, hurt for them, model for them, pray for them, dream for them.  Imagine what life would be like if our society turned out children with these kinds of parents!  Imagine what would happen to drop-out rates.  Crime rates.  Suicide rates.

Again, these things make me sad.  Not angry, or judgmental, or pious - just sad.  This glorious land of freedom in which we live grants us the right to decide what to do with our children.  That right is free to be exercised by parents in whichever manner they choose, and to those who choose to home-school, more power to you, and what a set of challenges you face!  I recently read this amazing article about homeschooling blind spots - it was endorsed by Joshua Harris and was extremely enlightening.  I couldn't do it - I need people smarter than me to teach my kids!  And for those who choose to send your students to public school, thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottoms of the hearts of teachers everywhere, for sending your leaders into our schools.  Their impact is measureless.

Day 21: My Favorite Posts

Going back through the blog was kind of fun!  Below are my top 5 favorite posts:

• Why It's a Good Thing that Life Isn't Fair
• Adios-ing our Son's Binky
• Letter to Lucy 
• My Sad Story
• Stuff and Things: My 2013 Goals

Keeping this chronicle of my life has been therapeutic.  Looking back, I find I get so wrapped up in what's going on in my own life that I forget to take time to think about the fact that life goes on outside of me and mine.  It's important to remember that life is bigger than just me.

Day 20: Something I'm Struggling with Right Now

I have said before that I am a recovering pessimist.  I am struggling with the reality that in 16 more days, I will only get to spend four hours a day with my children.

This summer has been glorious.  It's the first summer I have ever been alone with my kids.  Since my husband has been a student for the past decade, he's always been home in the summers.  I'll admit that when he got his job, the prospect of being alone with the kids all day every day was daunting, but like so many other things this summer, I dove in headfirst and found that I could do it.  And not only could I do it, I was enjoying it and I could feel myself changing.  It's been a magical experience.  And I'm just not ready for it to end.  I know there are lots of things to be excited about at the start of the school year, but I can't focus on any of them.

I love Lindsey's post on this topic.  I'm trying to live in the moment.  I'm trying to be an optimist.

Day 19: Five Favorite Blogs

I already did this, though it was more than five. Click here if you missed it :)

Day 18: A Childhood Memory

When I was in fifth grade, there was a kid in my class - Carl - that I hated.  I have no idea why this was.  He was a nice kid, a little on the nerdy (aka smart) side, dressed a little funny, always brought his lunch.  Ironically, he's exactly the type of person I grew up to hang out with in high school and college - the kind, smart, slightly-neurotic, ridiculously talented type.  But in fifth grade, I hated him.

And I was mean to him.  Like, mean.  I would lie in bed at night and think of mean things to say to him or names to call him.  I'm not kidding.  I still have a hard time believing this about myself, but I bullied this kid.  And he was the only one.  I was fine with everyone else.

A few years later, God really got a hold of me and my life started to change.  I quit lying (I was a compulsive liar) and even my parents will tell you I became a different child.  By then, I had moved school districts and lost complete contact with Carl.  I regretted the way I had treated him, so I looked up his address in the phone book and wrote him a letter telling him how sorry I was for the bully I had been.

When I was in 9th grade, I was in forensics.  We had a tournament at one of the high schools in town and lo and behold - there was Carl on the other side of the commons area.  I remember feeling that feeling when your stomach drops and your mouth goes dry because you know you need to do something but you just don't want to.  Sending a letter was easy.  But I needed to fess up.  Apologize.  Ask for forgiveness.  In person.

I forced my feet across the room to the place where Carl was rehearsing with a classmate.  I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something to the effect of, "Hi Carl. I don't know if you remember me" (but of course I knew very well that he did - it's hard to forget someone who makes your life hell) "but I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for what I did to you in school.  I hope you can forgive me."

I am tearing up as I write this because it is such a beautiful picture of grace.  Carl, who had every right to turn his back, put his arm on my shoulder and said, "Thanks for coming and talking to me.  I forgive you.  Let's both forget it ever happened."

I still marvel at this.  I grew up in a household where kindness, compassion, love were all emphasized through the belief that God created all and all have value.  I have no idea what Carl was raised to believe, but in that moment, whether he knew Jesus or not, he was extending Christ-like forgiveness - the kind that just doesn't make sense and can only be explained by grace.

A priceless memory.  A priceless lesson.

Day 17: A Favorite Photo + Why

I love this picture.  It perfectly encapsulates the joy that my darling daughter has brought to our family and my life in particular.

That is all. :)

Day 16: Something Difficult (and How I'm Working to Overcome It)

I struggle with balance. I often feel like I give too much to my job and not enough to my kids, or too much to keeping my house clean and not enough to time with Rick.  I keep thinking that if I can just get organized enough, or get up early enough, or work hard enough, I'll be able to keep all my balls in the air.  This is either untrue or I just haven't done enough. 

What am I doing to overcome it?  Trying to plan and strategize and just figure it all out.  Summer is a nice break, but I'll be back to the grindstone next month.  Sigh.

Day 14: Ten Things that Make Me Happy

I am going with THINGS as the title says.  Not people.  Just so we're straight.

• Little girl clothes. This has to be one of the best things about having a girl! They are so stinking adorable, and she looks so stinking adorable in them.
• My Kindle Fire HD. Ohmygoodnessthisthingisamazing. I got it for Christmas from my husband on a ridiculous sale and it is wonderful. I love being able to take ALL my books wherever I go!
• Nuts. I LOVE nuts - almonds and pecans in particular. And fresh macadamian nuts that have been picked, packaged, and sold off the head of an Africa woman in Africa. Those are the best stinking things I have ever tasted.
• Smaller clothes. I have lost over twenty pounds (YAY!), and when you lose that kind of weight, your old clothes don't fit anymore. So smaller clothes make me happy. I love putting them on :)
• Merle Norman cosmetics. A recent discovery and SO much better than what I had been using. I love this stuff!
• Audiobooks. This makes cleaning my house SO much more fun. I love setting up my iPod doc in the bathroom or the kitchen and scrubbing away. Try it!
• Text messages and emails from my husband. We have been together for almost 14 years, and I still get excited about these, regardless of the topic.
• The Internet. I love being able to stay connected, organized, and informed without having to turn on the TV or read the newspaper.
• My car. I have a dented old '07 Dodge Callibur. My husband hates it. I love it.
• My wedding ring. The only time I ever take this thing off is when applying lotion or handling raw meat. Other than that, this baby goes everywhere my hands go. And I love it as much now as I did on July 1st, 2001 when I first laid eyes on it.
  

Day 13: Issue a Public Apology

When I first committed to this blog challenge, I gave myself one free pass. I'm taking it today. Today is the start of what will be the world's most hectic three weeks for my family. We are gone every weekend and booked solid in between. So today, I am taking my pass.

I'm sorry.

Day 12: Something You Miss

The beach. I never though of myself as a beach person, having grown up in Kansas, but I really love the beach. And this summer I'm really missing it. I tried to figure out how we could get to one quickly and inexpensively, but alas, it is not to be. So instead I'll share some of my favorite beach experiences over the years:

Our honeymoon in 2004 - Montego Bay, Jamaica. Look how young my husband looks!

Honeymoon again (gotta love those self-portraits when it's just the two of you!)

South Africa in 2005. Technically this is not a beach - it's the Cape of Good Hope on the Southwestern-most tip of the African continent where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. We did visit the Indian Ocean in Durban where we stuck our feet in, but it was at night so I don't have any pictures. And it was winter there, so it was a little cold for swimming.

 Business trip (aka all expenses paid) to Florida in 2006. Okay, so we're not at the beach in this picture, but we stayed at the Hilton in Cocoa Beach and it was right on the water. We did go to the beach (although I have to say...I don't care much for the Atlantic waves! They were rough!)

Mission trip to Mexico in 2007

Trip to LA last summer!

 So the beach.