Day 31: A Vivid Memory

It was June 19th, 2004.
I was 20.
I was getting married in three hours.
I was done up - make up on, hair done, dress fitted - all I needed was a groom.

Two of my bridesmaids were abhorred at the idea of me seeing my husband before the wedding, but we wanted a moment, just the two of us, before the flurry of activity began.  So we took it in a small classroom at the church.  We smiled, whispered, talked, and prayed.  Then we walked out of the room to pictures, guests, music, cake,

and the rest of our lives.

Day 28: Pictures Only

Day 30: React to the Term "Letting Go"

I don't like this prompt, so instead I'm going to reflect on the Blog Every Day in July challenge.

I enjoyed this because 1) I like to write and find the added element of being told what to write fun and intriguing and 2) I LOVED reading everyone else's answers.  I loved how some of us chose to go the same route on certain questions, and on others I found myself thinking, "I never would have thought to answer it like that."  There are many things that were shared that may never have been shared otherwise, and I really liked that.  I also like that at least three friends have started blogs in July, and I'm crediting at least some of it to this challenge.

But I'm glad it's over.

Blog-future looks like this: few and far between.  School starts next week and this teacher is going to be booking it.  Between getting my kids where they need to be, getting myself to work, food prep, exercising, keeping my house in some semblance of order, and trying to find quality time to spend with my family, I'm calling it now - I will be absent from the cyber waves in the very near future.  But I feel like blogging 42 times (as I will have by the end of the month) makes up for it.

:)

Day 29: Five Key Pieces of Music

Most of mine are choral because that's my background and that's where music has spoken to me most strongly over the years.  And doing this made me realize how very much I miss it.


"What Would I Do without My Music?" - Anyone who has come through the vocal music program at WRHS knows this song.  I actually found this youtube video of TG farewell from a few years ago.  If you are unfamiliar with this song, they do it every year and at the last concert of the year they invite alumni up to sing with them.  This wasn't a year we were there, but you'll get the gist.  A song that inspires tears and so many memories.

"Sing Me to Heaven" - When you are a musician, your perception of music is largely impacted by your instructors.  I have had many many teachers over the years, but my choral director in high school takes the freaking cake.  He loved this song, and I loved it partly because it's love-worthy and partly because I love him.  When his wife died, he played my year's version of this song at her funeral.  It. Is. Beautiful.

"Sicut Cervus" - Psalm 42 in the most beautiful Latin and melody imaginable.  I love this song so much.  I have a recording of our choir singing it at Kansas State University, and it's every bit as beautiful as this version.

"His Eye Is on the Sparrow" by Audrey Assad
Actually, this isn't the arrangement I grew up with (this one is more like it), but I love this new, redone version so much that I had to share it.  I have begged my husband to do this at church, and hopefully an appropriate occasion will present itself soon.  I love this song because it weaves heart, soul, and scripture into an unforgettable melody.  I wish I would have listened to my parents and sung it for our farewell concert in high school.

Our song: "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds
Luck has nothing to do with it, but in college, our ridiculously talented friend Nicolas played the piano and sang this song at our Cabaret performance our freshman year.  There was a moment when Rick and I looked at each other from across the room, and with only that glance, we knew that this was a nearly perfect expression of how we felt about each other.  I still tear up every time I hear it.

Get Fit: Week 8

Normally I try to post these on Saturday or Sunday (Sunday if I can do it, so my weight is the lowest possible!), but we were on vacation this week and had no wifi or cell service for 90% of the trip.  It was actually kind of nice being so absent from the world of connection via technology. 

Exercise: I yogaed Monday and tried DESPERATELY to find someone to watch my kids so I could go Tuesday, but despite my best efforts, I couldn't. :( I was extremely bummed. I'm wondering if my commitment to exercising isn't beginning to become a bit of an obsession - I am serious when I say I was bummed.  I did do aqua zumba on Monday night, which wasn't what I was expecting, but it was still fun and much more of a workout than I was expecting!  Tuesday was travel day, and since I was responsible for my kids and packing clothes, food, and kid/baby gear for all of us for five day (and couldn't find anyone to watch the kids), it was the day of no exercise.  Wednesday we arrived in CO at about 2:30, and since my parents weren't arriving until evening, I went to a yoga class at 4:30.

 The studio was about the size of ours at home, but it was so light that it didn't feel that way.  It was also WAY cooler.  When I left, the thermostat said 89, but without humidity it didn't feel hot at all.  I don't think I dripped on my towel once.  Also, there was a dog:

I thought that was a little weird.  But whatevs.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I walked at least two miles (probably totaled over seven for all three days.)  Thursday and Friday I walked with my kids, and on Friday we found this adorable bridge:

Can you see the smile on this boy's face?  He made me go over it four times.  This boy loves bridges.  Saturday I walked with my dad.  It was nice father-daughter time - pondering the deep, philosophical questions of life while you walk through the mountains was a pretty good way to spend 45 minutes.  I also yogaed again on Friday morning.  Sunday was travel day, and while I planned to walk with Lindsey when we returned, I forgot to figure in the time change.  We didn't get back until 8:45, not 7:45 as I originally planned.  So all in all, two days of no exercise this week.  I'm trying to cut myself some slack and remember that it was vacation, but I'm still a little disappointed with this. :(

Diet: Okay - I decided to cross this week off the "losing weight" train and try to make it through the week maintaining my weight.  Obviously, this was not ideal, but I lost 28.1 pounds heading into this week, and my family were preparing meals together, so I decided that 1) I didn't want to be a burden (even though I make the fourth person in our family of nine with dietary considerations), and 2) I was going to allow myself to enjoy a few special things within reason.  Some may disagree with this approach, and to be honest, I knew this was going to make weight loss harder if I gained (a real and terrifying possibility), and I still made the choice.  I knew what I was doing.  That said, here are a few things I "put in my hole":

Brocolli cheese soup.  I ordered a salad, but as the Soup du Jour just happened to be one of my favorite soups of all time, I ordered it with a promise from my husband that he would finish what I didn't eat.  I probably ate a third of this by dipping my spoon in it.  True to his word, he ate the rest so I wouldn't be tempted.  It wasn't the best I've ever had, but it sure was close.

Greek pizza.  This was AMAZING.  Pita bread with a thin white (delicious!) dressing, spinach, onion, tomatoes, and what was supposed to be feta but ended up being mozzerella.  I forgot to take a picture until after I had already had a bite.  It was so good.  I ate two pieces of this.

And here is a picture of me actually putting something in my hole:

S'mores.  That's right - plural.  I ate two.  I don't remember the last time I've had a s'more, but these were both totally worth it.  Cooked over the campfire with my brother, his wife, and my husband after the kids had gone to bed and before my parents returned from their date.  De. Lish. Us.

I also split an order of fajitas with my husband on our date night - flour tortilla, lots of grilled veggies (which was easy since he's not a huge fan), and I allowed myself one piece of meat per fajita.  I added guacamole, so for fajitas, it was actually pretty healthy.  But I did eat some chips and queso too, which was a TOTAL splurge.  And there were several other things, like a few bites of my niece's birthday cake, some cheesy potatoes, a few french fries, etc.

But I think something needs to be said for the fact that most of the time, I ate right on target.  I made quinoa salad and my version of Panera's vegetarian black bean soup (which I will make and post the recipe for, because it is amazingly good) and ate lots of fresh fruits and veggies courtesy of my mother who made sure we had plenty and that they were chopped and readily available.

Week 8 Goal Review:

• Walk eight miles this week.  I did seven.  I'm calling this good, considering I had two days of no exercise.
• Yoga four times this week.  Only three, but not from lack of trying!
• Aqua zumba this week!  Yes!

Breakthroughs:

• My brother and sister-in-law were both very complimentary about my weight loss, and my husband made numerous comments as well. :)
• Weigh in pre-vacation: When I left on Tuesday, I was down to 156.8.
• Weigh in post-vacation: I was extremely nervous stepping on the scale this morning after five days of making exceptions. The number? 156.6

I was pretty happy with that, and since technically, I lost .2 lbs, I am calling this a success!  Overall, my weight loss totals 28.9 pounds.

Week 9 Goals:

• Hit the diet hard this week. No cheating (which means I have to go to the grocery store pretty much immediately.)
• MY FIRST 5K.  This Saturday morning. Yikes.
• Walk 13.1 miles. Yep, that's right. Ten plus a 5k. Setting my sights high, even though it looks rainy.
• Yoga five times. This is really my last week to get yoga in before school starts, but it's also a week that Rick has to work overtime to make up for being gone from work for three days, so we'll see if I can get childcare.

:)

Kindle Book: The Fault in Our Stars

 The Fault in Our Stars

by John Green

Length: 321 pages

Format: Kindle book
Price: $3.99

Author Website: http://johngreenbooks.com/

Basic Premise: 17-year-old Hazel is plagued by a cancer that she will not survive.  Her life's purpose seems obselete until she meets Agustus Waters, a boy whose own experience with illness is similar, but whose outlook is curiously bright.

My Take: 8 out of 10 (scale here)

Up until The Fault in Our Stars, my only experience with John Green was Paper Towns, a book recommended to me by a YAL librarian.  I enjoyed it, particularly Green's tell-it-like-it-is style, but could never in turn recommend it to any of my students.  When a few of my friends started talking about this book on FB, and I saw that it was only $3.99 on Kindle and remembered I had a seven hour drive, I downloaded it.  Practically seven hours later, I finished.

This is not a warm fuzzy book.  This is gut-wrenching.  It's kind of like Speak (Laurie Halse Anderson) meets what I would imagine to be A Walk to Remember (Nicholas Sparks...though technically I couldn't make it through A Walk to Remember).  There were funny parts and then there were parts that made you question all of creation.  I was struck by many things, but perhaps the most significant was the fact that I am no longer putting myself in the place of the protagonist when I read YAL books - I'm now the parent.  And it was awful.  Every page was imagining your child - not yourself, which would be better - but your child at the hands of this ridiculously vicious disease.  We had some friends lose their five-year-old son to cancer just before my son was born and I still don't know how they make it day to day.  It was incredibly sad, but eye-opening and enlightening as well.  And obviously a quick read.

Day 27: Letter to Your Readers

Dear Readers,

You are great!  I don't write for you - I write for me - but I am thrilled that you find something here which you deem worthy of return.

:)

Kindle Book: The Great Gatsby

 The Great Gatsby

by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Length: 180 pages

Format: Kindle book
Price: $3.99

Author Website: Unsure...maybe here? http://www.fscottfitzgeraldsociety.org/

Basic Premise: Set against the backdrop of New York in the roaring 20s, this is the story of Nick Carraway, his mysterious millionaire neighbor Jay Gatsby, and his troubled cousin Daisy Buchanan as they make their way through the ups and downs of New York's high society.

My Take: 6 out of 10 (scale here)

Okay - I didn't love this book, but I feel guilty about giving a classic a score of anything lower than a 6.  I also blame most of the reason I didn't like it on me, because I finished this book on July 24th.  I started reading it June 1st. JUNE 1st, PEOPLE!  As you may guess, reading has not been high on my list of priorities this summer.  I don't apologize for that, but I do kind of feel bad for this book because I don't feel I gave it my best shot.  A reread is probably in my future, but for now, here's what I thought.

I really really like reading FSF.  I felt the same way in high school.  He is extremely profound, and not in the Jodi Picoult I'm-really-trying-to-be-profound way - it's very natural, it enhances the story instead of detracting, and was not at all obnoxious.  Every fourth page or so there is a statement that could be framed and sold in shops.  As usual, however, I was not a fan of the heroine.  I'm not sure why this always happens to me.  I just didn't like her.  To be frank, Daisy is a spoiled little brat, and you can tell her I said so.  And the fact that Gatsby loves her brings him down just a bit in my estimation.  But I really liked Nick, and I enjoyed the story, despite the ending (SPOILER ALERT - there's a sad ending).  And I really liked the movie.  Check it out. Also, here's a much better review than the one I just wrote.

Day 26: Something I Read Online

I read this article after a friend posted it on Facebook.  If you care to read it, try to get past the poor prose...go for content.  If you don't, the basic gist is this:

A couple attended a wedding and gave the newlyweds a basket of foods - jolly ranchers, marshmallow creme, balsamic vinegar, etc. with a card that said, "Life is delicious...enjoy."  Soon after, they received a text from the newlyweds asking for receipts so they could return the items, as one of the brides was intolerant of gluten.  A texting dialogue ensued and quickly bypassed casual to uncomfortable, and escalated into an all out war from there.  The givers were told by the newlyweds, "I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding, people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate, and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :)"  This was the last smily face that was exchanged.  The whole texting battle can be found in the original link.

I didn't read the whole conversation, but I did read the article to my husband.  We were actually driving to a wedding as I was reading it out loud from my phone.  His reaction was the same as mine.  And here is what we would say to them:

Dear Newlywed Brides,

Are you serious?  Are you SERIOUS?

Before we address the utterly ridiculous prospect of actually telling someone that they owed you a better gift for your wedding, let's review the purpose of a wedding.  I feel somewhat qualified to address this topic, as I have been involved in over 100 weddings (no joke) over the course of my life, including my own.  The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the union of two people who love each other with the ones they love.  It is not, as you say "to make money for your future."  A wedding should be the most glorious day of your life.  It's not about decorations.  It's not about pictures.  It's not about gifts, and it is certainly not about money.  It's a day to celebrate one of the most important decisions you will ever make with people you love and who love you.  Gifts are an added bonus.

I don't know how much money the gift-givers have.  They may have been loaded.  Millionaires.  Zillionaires.  Let's pretend for the sake of conversation that they were zillionaires.  It might be okay for you to think, "Huh, I know they have a ton of money, and it seems like they would have given us something a little nicer."  That might be okay.  BUT YOU SURE AS HECK DON'T SAY IT!  Geesh, people!  Now the far more likely situation is that these were average folks with an average income.  They may have gotten the idea for a picnic basket full of food from Pinterest, or maybe even their own creativity.  It was kind and thoughtful even though the you were unable to use it.

And I have ground-breaking news for you.  Are you ready?  Everyone gets gifts they don't want or need at their weddings.  But, as you seem to be lacking in this thing called tact, let me give you a few pointers by telling you what all the kind, considerate, and polite folks do:

1. Regift - this is a great practice.  If you know someone who can use this gift, give it to them. 
2. Donate -  your gift was food!  Donate it to a local food pantry or drop-in center.
3. Garage Sale - sell it at your next garage sale 
4. AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, APPRECIATE THE THOUGHT!  Surely you've heard the old adage, "It's the thought that counts" (or maybe not...as you don't appear to have an abundance of manners, and therefore may not have had a very respectable upbringing).  Well, it's true.  These people obviously cared enough to give you something, and even if it's not something you wanted, it was time, energy, and money spent.

Your wedding should be joyful.  So joyful, in fact, that something as small and insignificant as this should be just that - small and insignificant.  I sincerely hope that you have come to your senses and gotten back to the reason you got married in the first place.  Surely it wasn't to make money.  If it was, I'm afraid to say you have a long and difficult marriage ahead of you.

Sincerely,

Someone who would never have the guts to actually say any of this to you, but totally thinks it

Day 25: Something Someone Told You about Yourself (Good or Bad)

I have already written a blog post on this topic.  Click here. :)

Day 24: My Top 3 Worst Traits

This post was so easy to write.  Being a recovering pessimist, these are the things that fill my mind during down times.  Though I will tell you it was rough to stick with three.  And the three are ugly.  I mean it.  This is not pretty stuff.  But I'm not holding back - this is the real deal.

1. I care WAY too much about what other people think about me. I think there is a healthiness to being mindful of what others think. It can help keep you accountable when you are pressing toward a goal. It can help you be considerate when you are working to serve others. But I take it way past healthy and into the tragic, dark depths of obsession. Literally. What do my in-laws really think about me? What does my boss really think about me? What does the lady in the aisle behind me think about how I just disciplined my child at the grocery store?  Seriously - I think it's a disease. I recently read this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

It made me feel a bit better.


2. I have trouble letting things go. I still have hurts from a decade ago that I haven't fully been able to kick.  I so admire people who can just bounce back.  I want to be able to forgive and forget, but I often can't get that forget thing down.  Not cool.

3. I am critical of people I don't know and love. Someone will walk by in the mall and I will be like, "She should not be wearing those pants," like I'm some expert on fashion who has never made a clothing faux pas. Or I will come home after school and be like, "You will not believe what this parent did with their kid," and then rattle it off, acting as if I know all the circumstances that went into that parent making that (wrong) decision. Or I will be like, "That child didn't say thank you," because my child always uses his manners (ahem).  I do come by this habit honestly, but it is no excuse. My husband is the exact opposite of this and he is so good about calling me out. I am grateful for his gentle reminders that I have not been appointed high judge over all fashion, parenting, and manners, or anything, for that matter. The world is full of screwed-up people (of which I am one) who are just doing their best.

Ugh.

Day 23: Things I've Learned that School Won't Teach Me

I've learned that my parents really know what they are talking about.
I've learned that students need loved more than they need taught.
I've learned that my children grow way too fast, and even though I am eager for next steps, I know there will be a day when I am wishing for last steps.
I've learned that the best way to learn something hard is by doing it.
I've learned that I really can do it...most of the time.
And I've learned that when I can't, I can through Jesus. (Phil 4:13) 
I've learned that being a mom is a learning experience, and it's okay if I don't get it perfect all the time.
I've learned that life is too short to spend it on anger, regrets, worry, or fear.
I've learned that doing the right thing because it is the right thing is always worth it.
I've learned that there is nothing I can do to separate me from the love of God. (Rom 8:38-39)

Day 22: What Makes Me Sad

Actually, Day 22 is supposed to be a rant, but as this topic makes me sad, not mad, I changed it.

This was a hard post for me to write.  It's a hard issue for my heart.

Please allow me to preface by saying that this post is in NO way meant to offend or insult those who choose to home-school their children.  It is certainly a significant and noble undertaking.  I have many friends who were home-schooled and many others who currently home-school their own children.  I can appreciate and support their decisions whole-heartedly.

But home-schooling still makes me sad, and this post is simply an explanation of why it does so.

• Because people are dissatisfied with the public school system.  I totally get this.  There all kinds of problems.  Bullying on the playground.  Ineffective teachers.  Districts choosing to employ curriculum that beats only the content of the state assessment into kids' heads instead of skills significant to the real world.  A lack of differentiation in both instruction and assessment.  Pacing that moves too slow for some kids and too fast for others, because HELLO, we've got state assessments in two months and we've got to get through it.  Not enough enrichment for high learners.  Not enough support for the low ones.  Not enough attention for the middle-of-the-road performers.  If someone is home-schooling their children because of religious reasons, that opens a completely separate can of worms.  Some public schools teach evolution as fact rather than theory.  Some schools teach BCE (before common era) instead of BC (before Christ).  I could go on and on.  Believe me, folks - I'm a public school educator.  I GET IT.  I wish it were better.  I wish the public school system was worth the faith of today's parents.  I truly do.

• Because there are a lot of really fabulous teachers out there.  That's not to say that parents aren't, or that every teacher is, but there is something about a good teacher.  Will you allow me to quote one of the best teachers alive?  She says this about teaching:

       "Teaching is a passion that seeps into a person's blood. Once it is there, each day becomes a new adventure with new ideas; 'wonder what the kids will think about...; wow, that concept never occurred to me.' The grand reward comes from a constant well spring of new perspectives - fresh thoughts from fresh minds. Of course, the challenge is to give each fresh mind the motivation to think - to think independently and deeply. That is when the teacher's heart skips a beat and then races through the proverbial happy dance."

There are some teachers who really believe this and embody it to the fullest extent.  Many of them teach in my building.

• Because (and this is the big one) these students, who would otherwise be having a positive impact on their publicly-schooled peers, are kept at home. In my experience, (I teach middle school) the number one factor in a student's success is his/her parents.  Parents who care enough to educate their children at home obviously care enough to teach their children character, and in many cases, faith.  These students are models for other students who don't have similar home situations.  Students who don't have support at home (and please please believe me when I tell you that these students are plentiful - even in my affluent district) have school, and most of the time, that's it.  It's why we have so many behavioral problems before Christmas break or the summer.  Some of these kids don't want to be home because home is unstructured, unstable, and, in some cases, unsafe.  For these kids, teachers and fellow classmates are the only people from whom they can learn life.  Teachers are great...but we can only do so much.  Fellow students are where the difference really comes into play.  I have watched good, solid kids help unstable, needy kids.  I have watched kids whose home lives are train wrecks learn how to be successful.  It can happen.  But it won't happen if all the kids who have the skills to come alongside them and help them learn to succeed are kept home.

Sigh.  I wish things were different.  I wish the public school system was better.  I wish every teacher was as good as Mrs. B.  I wish kids who have it rough could learn from kids who have it sweet.  Actually, if I'm wishing for things, I wish every kid could have it sweet.  I wish they all could have parents who love them, discipline them, sacrifice for them, hurt for them, model for them, pray for them, dream for them.  Imagine what life would be like if our society turned out children with these kinds of parents!  Imagine what would happen to drop-out rates.  Crime rates.  Suicide rates.

Again, these things make me sad.  Not angry, or judgmental, or pious - just sad.  This glorious land of freedom in which we live grants us the right to decide what to do with our children.  That right is free to be exercised by parents in whichever manner they choose, and to those who choose to home-school, more power to you, and what a set of challenges you face!  I recently read this amazing article about homeschooling blind spots - it was endorsed by Joshua Harris and was extremely enlightening.  I couldn't do it - I need people smarter than me to teach my kids!  And for those who choose to send your students to public school, thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottoms of the hearts of teachers everywhere, for sending your leaders into our schools.  Their impact is measureless.

Another Whirlwind Weekend

This weekend was also crazy busy!  This time we traveled to Oklahoma to visit my brother's family and celebrate my niece's first birthday.  Hard to believe she was born a year ago!

We arrived on Friday evening just in time to eat some dinner (pizza for them, Panera for me) and visit briefly before turning in.  In the morning I was up early for yoga at SALT.

I tried to visit this place with my sister-in-law earlier in the summer...but no one showed up to teach the class.  Hoping this wouldn't be a repeat experience, I ventured out.  I was the first one there, but the instructor was the second one there.  Score.

I didn't have much opportunity for photos, but I snatched this photo of the room.  This was a sliding door (cool!) and inside, the room was long and narrow.  It would have very comfortably accommodated 16 yogis - four rows of four.  It would have mildly comfortably accommodated 20 yogis.  It would have uncomfortably accommodated 25 yogis.  But as this was a sign-up-online-or-just-drop-in-if-you're-too-lazy-to-sign-up place, there were 32 people crammed into this room.  I was as far back in the corner as I could possibly get - so far so that when I swung my legs up I hit the posts in the back.

Aside from the discomfort of being so crunched for space, I enjoyed it very much.  They use radiant heat and no humidity (instead of big blowers and humidity, like I'm used to), so the temperature was very comfortable.  It was probably hovering between 87-90.  The dude in front of me was drenched before we even started.  Poor guy - he would not have lasted at home!  The workout itself was fun and different.  This lady really liked the eagle arms and we went through almost the entire warrior flow with our arms in eagle.  Fun!  She also did the chatturanga flows differently, which I kind of liked.  There were no resting poses, but at the end she gave us five or so minutes to do anything we felt we missed from the workout (I did the one and only inversion I can do - the shoulder stand), and then we rested.

I snapped this picture on the way out:

This is a commonly quoted passage from the New Testament.  Cool that it seemed to be their inspiration for the name of their studio.

I returned to baby decorating in full swing...and a rambunctious three-year-old who didn't quite understand why he couldn't get into everything.  So Mom and I packed up the kids and headed to the aquarium.

The line was stinking LONG! At least they had cool sculptures to play on.

Not too sure about those sting rays...more interested in finding sharks.

Hmm...they look kind of like sharks, but not quite...

There they are! These ones are sleeping, but there were plenty who were up and active! And he especially loved that we got to go into the tunnel!

And take a picture in the shark cage

And then we went back to the sting rays.  She wasn't particularly interested, but she posed for the picture, and that's really all I wanted.

And Gigi sprung the $3 for feeding the sting rays!

We had a great time and returned to a house looking fit for a one-year-old's birthday!

Gluten free cupcakes!

I didn't get any pictures of the actual party, but it was adorable and everyone had a great time!  Charlie cried when it was time to go, but Aunt Molly strategically reminded him that we would see them next week in Colorado!  That perked him up quite a bit!

It was a lovely weekend!