Baby Tomorrow

At my appointments today, it was decided that I would deliver at 34 weeks, and by 34 weeks, they meant tomorrow.  TOMORROW.  Wednesday, October 3, 2012.  11 AM.  Yikes.

Needless to say, we were a little shocked.  We thought we would at least have until Friday, but no.  Rick started to get sick to his stomach and I immediately began thinking of all the things that aren't done (I haven't washed her clothes yet, the nursery is a series of piles, the house isn't clean, I haven't taken a single good belly picture, etc.).  We received this news at 430 PM, and for the next two hours I was in and out of tears.  Some were out of worry and anxiousness about an early delivery (which guarentees admission into the NICU), some were out of an understanding of what is to come (which is far more informed and adequate than it was the last time around), but most were for my son.  His world is about to be rocked and he has no idea.  I started to think about how this was my last night with just him.  I wanted to make it count as much as I could.  So I forgot bed rest and tried to make the most of our last night, just the three of us.  We picked him up from Nana's and got ice cream, played in the park, ordered pizza, and watched his TV show of choice (Thomas the Train).  We took a bath, put on our jamies, and tucked into bed.  He always asks for his sheet and his teddy bear, and then he holds out his hand and asks to pray.  We have been letting him repeat our prayer, but lately, Rick has had him pray on his own.  He thanked God for the day, for Mommy and Daddy, and for baby Lucy, all on his own.  More tears.  He is such a precious boy.

I feel some guilt at the percentage of thought-space my son has occupied  as compared to my daughter throughout this pregnancy, and specifically since I've been on bed rest.  With my first pregnancy, he was all I thought about.  With this pregnancy, he's still been heavy on my mind.  Rather than thinking about Lucy and her future, I've been thinking about Charlie and missing time with him and wondering how he will adjust to having a sister.  I'm hoping this is normal.

As I illuded to earlier, this time around I understand what a baby means.  It means no sleep.  It means constant anxiety.  It means pumping and messes and diapers ALL THE TIME.  But it also means overwhelming joy - the kind of which can never be matched, except perhaps in heaven itself.

Ah, okay.  Deep breath, big day tomorrow.  Time for a good night's sleep.

Thank You: Freezer Meals

Once upon a time in high school, I went to FCA camp and decided to take a shower after competition (though it was unlikely that I had broken a sweat).  No one was in the bunk except this girl I had barely talked to named Melissa.  As I was getting my shower stuff together, we began to talk and found that we had much in common.  We talked so long that I wasn't able to shower, and we continued to get to know each other throughout the weekend.  Since then, though we have never lived closer than an hour and a half, we have written letters (yes, actual letters) and emails, gone on trips, been in each other's weddings, and gotten to share the joys of motherhood together.  There is so much I admire about Melissa, and one of the things I admire most is how she is able to channel her care and concern for others into helpful, practical ways to support them.  When she found out about our bed rest situation, she cooked for a week straight and brought us a freezer full of meals.

See all of that stuff?  That's just what's on top.  It is literally a freezer FULL of food, including lasagna, chili, soup, brisket, seasoned pulled pork, potatoes, cookies - the works.  And not only did she bring all this food, she painstakingly typed a reference list of all the food, how many dinners of each there were (at least two of each), and specific preparations.

We have only eaten two of these meals so far, as people from church have been bringing us meals several times a week (thank you SOOOO much!), but it is so nice to know they are there waiting for us in the freezer.

I can't tell you what a ministry this act of Melissa's and the meals brought by our church family have been to us.  My husband has been such a trooper, shouldering nearly all of the responsibility around the house and with our son, but it has been so nice for neither of us to worry about meals.  So a HUGE thank you to Melissa and the folks who have been helping supply meals for us.  It has been SUCH a blessing.

Bed Rest Discovery - Downton Abbey

I have not watched much TV since I've been on bed rest, mainly because I'm not much of a TV person.  I hate the idea of spending time in such a productive-less pursuit.  I don't have this problem with movies (not sure why), but TV feels different.  Unless I am watching it with my husband (which feels like a productive investment because we are spending time together ;), I really don't watch much.

(photo credit)

Enter Downton Abbey.  It's no secret that I love anything British and am a fan of Jane Austen movies and the like.  I had heard for some time that this was a great show I should watch, but for some reason I didn't get around to it until my friend Kristin suggested we watch it on an evening Rick wasn't home.  We watched the first two episodes together and then I finished the season the next day - the whole thing in less than 24 hours.  Here are a few reasons I like it:

• It was only a century ago--the first episode commences immediately after the sinking of the Titanic. It's cool to see how different life was, even just a hundred years ago!
• The characters--they are witty, believeable, and human.  And they have cool British accents.
• The hierarchy--there is a very established class system, and even though the Grantham household treats its servants well, there are still moments of serious discrimination toward the servants and "lower classes"
• The scenery--this show is filmed in an actual British mannor (with the exception of basement kitchen and servants quarters, which are filmed on a soundstage) and it is beautiful

Season 2 is not on Netflix (GRRR), but I think I found it for free through Amazon.  My husband has a student membership which entitles him to the benefits of Amazon Prime at a discounted rate.  So my next week is going to be full of Downton Abbey, Season 2!

I Can See the Finish Line...

At my appointments yesterday, the doctors found that my fluid level, while continuing to drop slightly, is relatively stable.  All the baby's bones, body systems, and movements look PERFECT, so the doctors have decided on the following plan.

If I can maintain this holding pattern, we will continue with check-ups every week and plan to deliver at 37 weeks - so around October 25th.  She would be considered "term" at this stage and would not spend time in the NICU.  Our son was born at 37 weeks exactly (also early because of low fluid), and he was perfect.

If anything changes with the baby - ANYTHING (the doctor was emphatic about this) - we will deliver at 34 weeks, or, if I'm past that time (around October 4th), immediately.  It is possible, depending on how early she is, that she will have to spend some time in the NICU.

So at least now I have a plan of action.  The doctor told me that if I feel pain, start to come down with something, feel the baby move less - anything that might make me feel "weird" - I am to go directly to labor and delivery to have it checked out.  So I am still in a precarious position, but it is looking more and more like we could have our baby at term instead of pre-maturely.  Whew!

The Waiting Game

 On Monday, I went in for another sonogram and discovered that my fluid level had dropped to a 3 (most women at my gestation are at a 12 or above).  The doctor told me to continue bed rest, water immersion treatments, and serious hydration and he'd see me next Tuesday.  This alarmed my husband and me because up to this point they had been checking my fluid level every few days and hit had been steadily decreasing.  So when I woke up in the wee hours Friday morning with some stomach pain, I called the doctor.  They ordered me to the hospital for a non-stress test.  As always, Lucy's strip was perfect, but they did a sonogram to check the levels anyway.  As of this afternoon, I was at a 7!  That is GREAT news...but I was at an 8 two weeks ago and two days later I was back down to a 4...so what does that really mean?

So at this point we are just waiting.  I have heard that we will deliver at 34 weeks, I have heard we will try to wait until 36, but nothing is for sure.  Obviously, we would rather wait until 36 weeks, as that is considered "term" and would be best for the baby.  However, if my fluid level continues to drop, the atmosphere inside the womb becomes more dangerous for the baby than the outside world, so I guess that is what the doctors will have to determine.

I have been in such a state of aggravation over all of this.  I know that, as time passes, the baby is getting stronger, but I feel like the world's laziest bum on the couch all day.  I am finding things to keep me busy and did have a very productive day last week, but I am still feeling like a lump.  I am praying for patience and trying to remember that in a year, this little stint on bed rest will feel like it was nothing.

Productivity, Despite Confinement

So today was the first thoroughly productive day I have had since I've been down.  I'm so proud I decided to list it all out:

• Spent some quality time with my son watching Bob the Builder while Daddy got ready for the day
• Did my Water Immersion Treatment #1 while reading a chapter of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (book 2)
• Showered, dressed in regular clothes (not sweats) and put on make-up!
• Worked on school stuff for two hours:
• graded retake quizzes
• responded to emails
• wrote test questions
• reformatted the test (thanks to stupid auto correct, this took nearly an hour!)
• Paid and mailed three bills
• Made two phone calls - one to the pharmacy and one to the office processing my disability claim
•  Planned this project with my mom for the baby's room - yep, that's right!
• Made a to-do list with my husband of things that need done before the baby gets here...yikes
•  Wrote two devotions for Upward Soccer
• Did my Water Immersion Treatment #2 while reading another chapter of HP
• Played play dough with my son
• Listed this Halloween costume for sale online:

• Filed paperwork in the ISN I have created for my daughter's medical info
• Watched NO TV!

And that was all before 6 PM!  Being productive has today is SO good for my heart.  I am greatly encouraged by the fact that I have been able to get things done - and especially help my co-workers out - even though I am home on my couch.  (Actually, I moved to the green chair today, you know, for a change of scenery :)

Hoping to recreate this tomorrow!

Baby Girl Update: The Latest

I have been down for one week and two days.  I have taken seven days off work so far.  And according to the doctor, it is unlikely I will be "well" enough to return to work before the birth of the baby.  Depending on how my fluid looks, it does look like we'll be having a baby between 34 and 36 weeks, which is between October 4th and October 18th.  Three to five weeks from now.

Right now, it's difficult to think about the prospect of a baby coming because of the HUGE life change we have undergone in the last ten days.  My husband joked about how much better the situation would be if our places were flipped - he is MUCH better at relaxing than I am.  Going from a full-time employee, wife, mommy, church volunteer, etc. to doing nothing but lying on the couch has been quite the transition.  Work seems to be in place - my sub and students have started a novel and I am good on my lesson plans.  My sister-in-law has got a rotation of meals coming our way, and I have almost all my paperwork completed my leave.  I'm running out of things to do, so I am working on a project.  More on that later!

A HUGE thank you to all of our family and friends for being such a great support during this time.  We couldn't do this without all of you!

Baby Girl Update: Settling In

It is now looking very unlikely that I will be able to return to work - at least, not in the near future.

My fluid level is doing all kinds of weird stuff.  It was low, then low again, then back up on Monday, then back down yesterday.  I'm doing everything they are telling me - drinking TONS of water, sitting and lying down, and only climbing the stairs once in the morning and once at night.  This week they have recommended "water treatments" to try to help circulation and blood flow to the uterus.  We will see.

At this point, I am really starting to fight some frustration and anxiety.  Everyone keeps saying things like "it must be nice to get a free vacation from work!" and I suppose I can see their point, but I cannot believe how much I miss being at work.  I miss my kids, I miss my co-workers, I miss having everything under control (leaving unexpectedly in the middle of a unit I've never taught before + in the middle of quizzes and retakes = STRESS!), but mostly, I miss social interaction.  I could never work from home or on a computer all day.  I need other people too much.

Speaking of other people, we have been so blessed by our friends.  People have been praying for us, sending us cards and words of encouragement, and offering right and left to take our son if we need it.  A few have brought us meals, two read this post about us needing a dresser and are going to refinish one for us, and the girl who cuts my hair offered to come to my house and do it.  I also have a great friend in Derby who is doing a bunch of freezer cooking for us as I type.  She's going to drive it up at the end of next week so that our freezer is stocked.  We are so blessed.

And I don't think our finances are going to take as big a hit as I thought.  I will run out of sick leave in about 10 days, but I have a few options to extend that and, I signed up for disability coverage last year and it will cover both my bed rest and my maternity leave.  I just have to figure out how to get all the paperwork submitted!

Baby Girl Update

In case you missed it, we have had a pretty eventful last few days.

On Monday at 3:30, after waiting ALL DAY to be seen by the perinatal specialist, we were finally wheeled down to his office.

They did a very long and involved sonogram (which was doubly interesting because the woman performing it was British and had a lovely accent), after which the very kind, grandpa-like doctor arrived.  He told us that since Friday, my fluid level had doubled.  He had no explanation for this other than the rest and extreme hydration that had taken place since I was admitted last Wednesday.  He also told me that our baby girl looked perfect in every way, though the length of her femurs were noticeably higher than the average baby at her gestational age.  Not surprising.  :)  He scheduled a follow-up in 48 hours and sent me home on bed rest.

Obviously, we were overjoyed with this news!  At this point I was going on six days in the hospital and so ready to go home.  Our experience at the hospital could not have been more pleasant -seriously, the staff were all FANTASTIC and worked so hard to keep us comfortable - but there's no place quite like home.

So now we are home and I am trying to keep my busy-body self from going stir crazy.  I have worked on lesson plans, reading, TV watching, and breaking my Spider Solitare record (4 minutes, 26 seconds).  My husband and mom have been so awesome at taking care of me and my son is even figuring out that he can bring me stuff and sit with me on the couch.

Tomorrow we'll find out how my fluid has behaved and whether I can continue on at home or must be readmitted to the hospital.  I don't know how far off base "returning to work" is, but I'm still hopeful!

Update: Part 1 of 1, I Hope?

 It's 4:35 AM and I'm wide awake.  This is not unusual - what makes today unusual is that I am waking up in a hospital bed.  And, this is my first official post about motherhood that is centered around my daughter rather than my son.

Long story short, we went for a sonogram Wednesday after school, the main purpose of which was to check my fluid levels.  They were low...like, dangerously low.  I delivered my son at 37 weeks because of low fluid levels, and at 30 weeks, my levels were lower than what they were with him.  Translation - they immediately sent me to labor and delivery at the hospital.  They got me hooked up to an IV, ran some basic tests, and said there was a possibility my water had broken, or at least that the sac had torn and was leaking.  They wouldn't know for sure for a few days but they would keep me here until they knew for sure.  Worst case scenario - I would be here until the baby's born.  Yikes.

So it's Friday morning, and I'm still here.  Right now, it does not appear that my water has broken. They are conducting an ultrasound this morning to check my fluid levels again.  Since the body produces amniotic fluid, it's possible that, with the IVs and antibiotics they've been pumping into me for the last 36 hours, my level will rise.  If this happens, I can go home and maybe even go back to work.  If my levels rise only slightly, I can go home on bed rest with close monitoring.  If I show no progress, I may be here for awhile.

So as you can imagine the normal-ness of our day to day lives has screeched to a halt.  My husband, who was supposed to teach his class at KU for the first time today, has taken a few days off.  My parents and in-laws have stepped up and taken care of our son, including keeping him overnight and driving him to daycare and up here to see me, and I have obviously had to call in a sub for work.  (A HUGE THANK YOU TO THE WOMEN ON MY TEAM AND IN MY PLC FOR TAKING ALL OF THIS OFF MY PLATE! YOU LADIES ARE AMAZING AND SUCH A BLESSING!)

The rock star of this story is, of course, my husband.  Through every step of this completely shocking and upsetting ordeal, he has been the first to remind me that God is in control of what is happening and it is there that we should put our faith.  My husband has diligently provided everything I need, whether it's going back home because he forgot my make-up (I look terrible, guys, and people are coming to visit me), or sleeping on the little bench that is much to short for his 6'6" frame.  (I actually insisted he drive the six minutes and sleep at home.  He refused but I finally convinced him when I said that if I woke up in the middle of the night, I'd like to read or turn on the TV.  If he was here sleeping I wouldn't be able to do that, and that's the only reason he finally agreed.)  He has stayed until I have fallen asleep and been back up by 8 AM each morning.  My parents, his parents, and several close friends have already been in to see us and I can't tell you how many family members and friends from church have offered to help with our son, bring us meals, or just come up for a visit. It's times like these when you realize how very many people love you, and what a blessing that truly is.

Well, it's 5:15.  That took a long time to write because I included a feeling-sorry-for-myself section that I deleted upon rereading.  It's not necessary and I don't want to dwell on the negatives.  The positives are that I feel great, the baby is FINE, and it is looking more and more like we will get to go home in a few days time.  People love us and are taking care of us, my son is deliriously happy at the increased time with his grandparents, and even though I'm not good at sitting still, I can tell the rest is doing my body some serious good.

Will keep you updated!