Spectacle

This summer, I went to the hospital to see Lindsey and her new baby. On my way out, my feet kind of steered themselves off the elevator and on to the second floor, down the narrow, windowed hall, past the stairway to the long hall that lead to the NICU. I sat down on one of the benches and stared through the glass doors and into the ward. I smelled the familiar smells. I watched the familiar sight of parents walking by and going through the drill. Sign in. Stick the thermometer under your tongue. Record the reading. Hand-sanitize. Get your key and go see your baby, hoping and praying with every step that she is well. I wondered how early their baby was.

And despite my best efforts to keep myself together, I sat on the bench and cried. I cried for my Lucy. I cried for the woman I was and the man my husband was then. I cried for the parents who were in the throes of this struggle. And I cried for their babies. And in any other setting, I might have made a spectacle of myself, but here, seeing someone you don't know in tears is just part of NICU culture. Because when your newborn looks like this, it's hard to hear even the doctors and nurses over all your worry. You can't see it in the picture, but Lucy has an IV in her head. (There's a hole in the hat, which I kept.) That thing on her face is called a bubble C-pap. There is also a feeding tube running up her nose. The sensor things taped to her torso are measuring breathing or blood flow or something. There is a blood pressure cuff on her foot and I can't remember what that thick tube in the back is for.

Last week, as a part of our connect group story, I read John 9:1-3:

As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. "Rabbi," his disciples asked him, "why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents' sins?" "It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him."

 So the power of God could be seen in her.

October 22, 2012, after a 19-day stay in the NICU, we took Lucy home. Within a year, she was caught up with her peers in size, and within two years, she was caught up with them entirely. And from the very moment of her birth, she has been a testament to the power of God.

Keep that up, Lucy Jean.

12 Days of Reflection - #1: Keeping Lucy Home

Decision #1 - Keeping Lucy home until March.

One of the most wonderful things about having a baby is getting to show her off.  People oohing and ahhing over the biggest and best accomplishment you will ever have in your entire life is a pretty great experience.  But when you have a baby six weeks early at the start of flu season, you don't get to enjoy that particular part of the experience.  You have to keep your baby home to help protect against sickness and infection.

At the hospital, they presented this to us not as something we had to do, but as something they highly recommend.  I remember a conversation my husband had with a nurse that went something like:

Nurse: We recommend you keep your baby home until March.
Rick: Alright.
Nurse: (taken aback) Really?
Rick: Yes. It's what's best for Lucy, right?
Nurse: Yes.
Rick: Okay. Decision made.
Nurse: That's not the reaction we usually get.
Rick: Um...what? Why not?
Nurse: Because it's inconvenient.  People take their little premies out and show them off, or to Walmart or wherever.  One of ours took her baby to a rock concert.  She contracted RSV and died two days later.
Rick: You don't have to worry about that with us.  She will be home until March.

And she was.  It was extremely disappointing - she really was the sweetest, tiniest and cuddliest little thing - and it was very inconvenient, but it was clearly what was best for our girl.  I think her first day in the nursery at church was technically whatever the last Sunday in February was, but we pretty much made it through four months of keeping her home.

And now, she is the smiliest, happiest, chunkiest, healthiest little baby you can imagine!

From My Brother

When Charlie was born, a friend of mine had family members write him letters and then arranged them in a book.  Because Lucy's birth was such a whirlwind, we did not do this for Lucy, so for her 1st birthday, I asked for them for her 1st birthday (which is in less than two weeks!).  My brother's is amazing.  So much heart and depth - I had to share.

 

Lucy,

When Emma, your cousin, was born, I suddenly had a little ball of life I was charged with protecting.  I was instantly given the responsibility to assist her in growing up in this world. The main issue I was immediately faced with was, ‘How could I teach her that hard work separates winning from losing when I’ve leisurely procrastinated my way through life?’  That’s not to say that I’ve ‘won’ at life, but hypocrites don’t make good superheroes, and that’s what parents are supposed to be…superheroes.

I’ve thought long and hard about all the things I need to teach her. This is nowhere near the whole list, but I do feel these things are important. I hope that you can take something from what I hope to teach her.

Happiness This is probably the most cliché virtue on the list, but it’s extremely important. ‘Success’ is really more of a journey than an ‘x’ on a map. You can’t really be taught happiness, per se, but you can learn perspective and look at your day to day life as unique. Emma will not have a perfect life, and she won’t get everything she wants all the time. However, it is important she realizes that the things she is accustomed to are not everyone’s reality. Your Pepa and Gigi will tell you they wished I had learned this long ago. I was constantly reaching for a happiness that would never be achieved unless my perspective and understanding of what defined happiness was altered. This leads me to the next thing I need Emma to understand.

The value of a dollar Pepa may disagree, but we weren’t poor growing up. We had everything we needed when we needed it.  Again, my perspective at the time was different. I was more worried about not getting the things I wanted instead of getting the things I needed.  I’ll be honest with you, I did get a lot of the things I wanted, but it was never enough (this goes back to ‘perspective’-  please understand this before I did).  So how did I learn the value of a dollar? I think I learned it a long time ago, but I never really rationally understood it until about halfway through college. I learned it by paying my own cell phone bill, doing chores and working extra for the extra things I wanted. The rational, real-life application didn’t really hit me until I also had to pay for the things I ‘needed’. This is why I worked 70-80 hours a week through most of college. I still felt I needed to have enough money to buy everything I needed plus everything I wanted. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Learn the difference between want and need. Looking back, the best times growing up where when we watched Home Improvement together as a family or when your mom and I recorded a fake Olympic figure skating commentary. Things like that, things that have nothing to do with money.

Know your ‘why’ At work, I analyze business propositions and write about them. Any time anyone comes up to me with any kind of idea, I always ask them "Why?" It seems simple, but it's actually an intricate question. Nine times out of ten, if someone's why is to make money, they'll fail at what they are trying to do. Here's why I believe this: the "successful" deals I look at include people who are self-vindicated. They don't need pats on the back. They don't need compliments. The merit of their work is endorsed by what they see in the mirror. They drive themselves until they are satisfied. People who are monetarily motivated often tire of their occupations and eventually lose focus. But if you are in love with what you do day in and day out, it's not work. Every day you're adding a piece of joy to your ethos.Your mother is a great example of this, so is your Pepa. To them, it’s not work. I’m continuously searching for my why. For me, work is a means to an end. So find your passion, and fall in love with your why.

 

Kindness This is very important. Negative energy sucks the life out of people. You must treat people kindly. No one is any better than you are and you are no better than anyone else. Maybe the biggest thing I learned in grad school was how to deal with stupid people. It always goes back to kindness. We are all doing the best we can to figure out this thing we call life, so humble yourself to the fact that you know very little. I'm no different. I know very little, but I do my best to learn. I've learned things from my father (a highly educated man) and watching a child who can’t even walk yet. Treat everyone with kindness. It goes a long way. I was taught that people will rarely remember what you tell them, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Men and her worth (loads shotgun) A sore subject for any man with a daughter. I will teach Emma that she is a young goddess. Help her understand her worth. Let her know that she must hold every man accountable for who they are and how they act towards her. There will be a day when I give her away. They say that a woman spends her life looking for her father in her groom, so until that day I will try to be the example of a man that she eventually will seek out. Men tend to be motivated by one thing. Don't fall victim to a prince charming. If he cares for her, he'll act accordingly. If not (aims shotgun), well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

God is Love Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Lately, I’ve ridden this verse to the moon and back, and it hasn’t failed me yet. As you move through life, don’t’ be scared. You will make mistakes. You will make many mistakes, but God loves you and has a plan for you. Never forget that. Think about it every day.

I hope you can read these things and apply them to your life. You have been blessed with an amazing family. It’s a family that cares more than any family I’ve ever been around. It’s a family that will stop at nothing to help you succeed.  You’re mother and father are amazing people, as are your grandparents. Your aunt Molly and I love you very much and will always be here if you need us.

Love, Uncle Alex

So Long, Breast Milk!

I have this tendency is to focus on the negatives (pessimism, I believe they call it?), and it is seriously one of my worst traits.  Almost immediately after summer commenced, I started dreading the beginning of the school year.  When my husband asks how my son did at the end of the day, I tell him the one or two bad things that took place, instead of all of the great ones.  When I look at my life, I pick out the worst things and harp on them.  It's a problem.

But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, and that is looking at the positives.  And I am finding there are many.

Tomorrow, my daughter will drink the last of the breast milk for which I labored so long and hard.  I am sad.

Sigh.  Okay - done with sadness and on to things to celebrate:

1. We saved almost 9 months' worth of money spent on formula!  Formula is so stinking expensive - we really dodged a bullet there! Yay!
2. I wasn't able to nurse because of skin issues with my son and premie issues with my daughter, but I pumped and bottle fed with both.  My son made it to almost 8 months of age, and now, even though I stopped pumping March 3rd, my daughter has made it to almost 9 months.  Instead of mourning the fact that she will have to have 3 months of formula, I'm going to celebrate the fact that my baby, my premature, scrawny little "delayed" baby is now over twenty pounds of fat and in the 80th percentile thanks in large part to the nearly 9 months of liquid gold she's been able to drink. 
3. Pumping for my children is without doubt one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life.  But it was also one of the most wonderful things I have ever done.  Not only was it another way for me to love my children, but it was an intense exercise in discipline.  I could have quit at any time.  No one was forcing or pressuring me to keep it up.  But I wanted to do it.  This is also something to celebrate - the ability to make a commitment and stick to it.  It's the same kind of thing I'm going through right now with fitness.  It takes work and self-discipline.  And, thank God, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13).  None of this is my power.

So, so long breast milk!  It's been an education for sure.  You've taught me some priceless lessons and instead of mourning your loss, I am grateful for your presence, however fleeting.

Why I Loved My C-Sections

 I visited my cousin in the hospital last night.  Her baby had been born the day before and been taken by C-section.  My cousin was slightly disappointed, but we were talking about all the pluses of C-setions, and there are many! Though I happen to know this is not what you hear from most women:

"I hope I have a C-section.  That would be nice."

But that was totally me.  I don't know if it's because my mom had C-sections, or because God was preparing me in this weird way for mine or what, but when the doctor told me my baby boy was breech, I got a little excited.  When she mentioned C-section, I got a lot excited.

Why?

• It's planned. I am a planner, and by nature, I don't like surprises.  I like plans.  Ask my husband.  He knows better than to spring things on me, even if they are good things.  Also, I teach middle school and one of my ultimate fears was that my water would break at school in front of my kids and they (particularly my boys) would be grossed out and scarred for life.  I know it seems like a small thing, but it was a legitimate thing I that obsessed about slightly.
• It's quick. Labor can last a long stinking time.  I can honestly say I was never afraid of the pain (seriously - I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I am proud of it!), just the length of discomfort.

And my C-sections - both of them - were wonderful.  WONDERFUL, I tell you!  And, having had two, I can tell you there are lots of perks besides just the two above:

• The doctor is there the whole time. My doctor walked me into the room, helped me get my spinal, and saw me through the entire thing.  When my sister-in-law had her baby, the doctor didn't even come in until the last second.  With a C-section, they are there the whole time, and not only one, but two!
• It doesn't feel like a C-section. I was pretty nervous about being buck-naked (that's the correct expression, right?  I've heard butt-naked, but I think it was from a kid who didn't know better) in front of all those people.  But once the medicine takes effect (quickly), it feels like there's a heavy blanket on you, so you really forget that you are showing your wares off to what feels like the entire hospital staff!
• Baby is PERFECT! He hasn't been shoved through a vagina so his head is perfectly round and beautiful.  He also hasn't been through the trauma of birth.  The nurses in the hospital explained that C-section babies are often much calmer babies and much better sleepers than vaginal-birth babies.  Both of mine are calm and great sleepers, so I guess it's true!
• The recovery isn't that bad. I know not everyone has the same experiences, but for me, things went just right and I was up walking around that night with both.  I know that's not normal because all the nurses kept commenting on how people aren't usually up until the next day, but it's what happened for me.  They sent me home with pain meds, but I didn't take them much past the first few days.
• The scar is small.  A friend of mine once told me she was afraid of having this big enormous scar across her belly.  I explained that 1) it's not across your belly - it's VERY low, and 2) by the time your stomach has shrunk back down, the scar is only a few inches long.
• You aren't all...stretched out down there.  You get my drift, right?

I have found only two notably bad things about C-sections:

• Itching.  My face itched SO BAD for the first 12 hours or so after the procedure.  It was almost unbearable.  My mom thought of a wet washcloth to rub on my face so I didn't scratch it off, but man alive! It was bad. I have heard that this is a byproduct of the anesthesia, so whether you give birth vaginally or not, it happens.
• People think that what you did is somehow less significant than what they did.  I remember being with some friends and talking about giving birth.  One of my friends who had given birth vaginally said, "Only you didn't give birth."  I was a bit taken aback and said, "Yes, I did."  "No," she continued. "It's not the same thing.  Pushing a baby out of you is totally different."  This really hurt my feelings.  I like to think she didn't mean it that way, but it made me feel excluded and like what I had done wasn't as special.  I know in my head that this is not true, but there is an air of superiority around vaginal births that can make us C-section moms feel like we are not up to par.  But the truth is that we both were participants in the miracle of birth, regardless of how it happened.

I know that this is not true for every woman.  I have heard of many women (my mother included) who have horror stories to tell about the surgery going bad, or recovery keeping them down for weeks, or what have you.  I am thankful that that was not my experience.  My experience was grand. :)

Project: Making Baby Food

*Note: I know my picture quality sucks.  I have the lowest version of the iPhone and have never taken time to research any of the cool picture-taking aps that make your photos cool.  Any suggestions would be appreciated!

There is much to be said for the convenience of store-bought baby food, particularly when one is out and about.  No need to refrigerate, disposable container, quick and easy.  But since we feed our baby frozen breast milk, which is neither quick nor easy, I figure we can swing homemade baby food, too.  I put up a post on FB asking for suggestions on how to go about this task, and I got responses that made me think "That's all there is to it? Seriously?"  So here was my first attempt.

Step 1: Directions
A few friends recommended this site which said to steam fresh or frozen green beans, add water, and puree.  I think I can handle that.

Step 2: Gather Materials

A saucepan, a steamer basket, and green beans.  (I went with frozen this time because they are less work.  I'd like to go with fresh next time.) 

Step 3: Steam and Puree
I steamed the green beans until they were super-soft.  Then I removed them from the basket and put them in my Magic Bullet. 

(If you do not have a Magic Bullet, I highly recommend it.  I don't know how much they cost, but if you can get one used or on sale, they are AWESOME!  I use it all the time.)  I check the consistency and add water as needed until it is very runny.

Step 4: Freeze
Someone suggested freezing them in ice cube trays, which are one-ounce servings - brilliant!  Although I wasn't sure how I was going to neatly get the baby food into the ice cube trays.  So I rigged a sandwich baggie as my pour-er.  Whatever - it worked!

As you can see, I started out nice and neat, but by the end it got a little messy.  Oh well - it will taste the same in the end.

Step 5: Store
After a few hours in the freezer, I removed the tray:

 And cracked them into individual servings.  I placed them in a freezer bag, labeled them, and voila!

So easy and simple - why didn't I try this back when I had my son?  I had so much more time then (though I didn't think that at the time - if only I had known!)  I'm thinking I will try carrots next, and then maybe sweet potatoes, now that the Farmer's Market is open!

I Have A Problem

I am really good at not spending money.  I've had to be because I'm married to a 10th year student. :)  I buy things used at garage sales, thrift stores, and online.  I accept (and in some cases, request) hand-me-downs, and to be honest, my little boy is just as cute in his second-hand name-brand stuff as the other boys are in their first-hand name-brands.

Enter my girl.  Oh, my goodness.

I cannot believe how many adorable things there are for little girls.  We went to Target the other day and made the mistake of "just looking" at the girl's clothes. We ended up with the two 3-piece outfits pictured above, two onsies, and a pair of pants.  To be fair, we are a little short on clothes that fit her (my 5-month-old is officially in 6 months!), but not that short.

And, since we're going on a mini-vaycay next week, I ordered this little swimming suit for Lucy (with gift cards, so I wasn't really spending money).  Isn't it so adorable?  I can't wait to see her chubby little arms and legs sticking out of it!


Oh well - I'm calling it the rest of my Christmas money and deciding to enjoy it. :)

I'm a Guest-Poster!

Isn't she so stinking cute???

Today, I am a guest-poster on one of my favorite blogs, The Domestic Wannabe!  Every Wednesday Ashley features a mom who documents her day, and today is my day!  Check it out here!  The picture is in the post...but I really just included it here because it's so adorable. :)

Lucy's Room

Ahh, the realities of the second child.  Of course I wanted this done before she arrived, but there was just no way this was going to happen.  With four weeks of bed rest and almost three weeks of NICU, getting the nursery fully prepped before her arrival was just not possible.  We brought Lucy home on Monday, October 22nd, and we just finished her room over break.  While do feel badly that it took so long, I am finding some comfort in the fact that I have already purchased more retail things for her than I did for Charlie in his entire first year.  It's just...there are so many adorable girl things!

 

This dresser was remade and given to us by some very talented friends (see this post) who refinished and painted it for us.  I found the changing pad cover for $1 at a yard sale and the lamp was a gift from Grandma.  You can't see it very well, but the bag hanging on the wall in the top right-hand corner of this picture says "Lucy" and was made by my friend Stacy at Ziggy Tails.  She also made the towel draped over the edge of the crib below.

I got the idea general idea for this wall from here (I adore this nursery!).  I found the frames at Hobby Lobby (more expensive than I was hoping for).  We had the mirror cut to fit the frame (it was only $10!) and then I made the L like I did for my niece in this post, though all the curves in the L made it more challenging.  The hair-bow one is simply chicken wire hot glued to the frame.  I think the whole wall turned out quite nice!

We used Charlie's old crib but were given new crib sheets by Grandma.  The crib skirt came with the bumper (that we will probably use eventually) that I got at a garage sale before Charlie was born.  The curtain was a labor of love for my mother.  I got the idea from this, but of course, I didn't want it to be so pink.  Since I was on bed rest, my mother made several trips to the store, cut, hemmed, trimmed, ironed, sewed, and resewed to make this perfect curtain for Lucy's room.  On the other side of the curtain is a little sitting area, complete with a TV and toys, but we didn't want Lucy to have to share her room with this space, so the curtain was a perfect choice.  Thanks, Mom!

The lovely wall hanging is courtesy of Caroline - isn't she so super crafty?  I love love love this!

This shelf also belonged to Charlie.  We moved it out of his room when he went to a big-boy bed because we didn't want him climbing it.  It's more for storage than appearance.  But at least the iPod dock is pink. (It was a gift from a student from last year - what a great end-of-school gift!)

I am so pleased with the way the room turned out.  A huge thank you to all who helped!

New Thing: Adjusting to Two

It's hard to believe, but we have had two kids at home for almost two weeks now.  Kid One isn't the least bit interested in Kid Two, but we are trying not to let that discourage us - I'm sure that once the adjustment is made and she gets a bit bigger, he will become more interested.

I am beginning to see how I now have two sets of "issues" if you will.  For example, Lucy needed to go to the doctor last week for a follow-up appointment.  Charlie needed to be seen for an ear-infection that would not go away.  Between the two of them, we were at the doctor's office three times last week.  Really?  The other night Charlie woke up and needed to be resettled.  I had just fallen back asleep from feeding Lucy.  Due to her premie status, Lucy cannot be out and about until after flu season is over.  Any time we want or need to get Charlie out, one of us has to stay behind with Lucy.

And on and on it goes.


But we are adjusting.  We have such wonderful support in the form of our parents, extended family, and church.  We are so grateful for everything they have done to help us out!

Progress Report #3

These last few days have been GREAT days for Lucy!  She has been eating from a bottle and nursing like a pro, and she is gaining weight and will probably exceed five pounds when they weigh her tonight!  Here's her progress report, and as you can see, she has mastered four of the five!

The last one about breathing is our hang-up right now.  She is still engaging in "episodic breathing" which means that her breathing will stall occasionally.  This is very normal for pre-mature babies, but they would have liked to have seen her grow out of it by 36 weeks of gestational age.  They are going to give her some medication to see if they can regulate the breathing a bit.  Hopefully the medications will work!  Today they started talking to us about things we need to do before discharge - bring in the car seat, get her immunizations, etc - so I started to get really excited.  Throughout the duration of her time in the NICU, I have avoided asking the question, "So when can we take her home?" because I didn't want to get my hopes up.  Today, however, I couldn't resist.  I asked if they thought it would be some time next week, and they said yes.  I am still trying not to get my hopes up, but it looks like we might be looking at coming home within the next seven days!

Since she is so much stronger this week than she was last, and since she's hooked to fewer machines, we've been able to hold her much more.  Today she and I snuggled for a good hour, and last night Rick held her for almost three hours.  She is so sweet.  It's hard to believe that I was a little disappointed at having a girl in the beginning - now I can't imagine having anyone else but her.  I can't wait to introduce her to her big brother!

Making Progress

Lucy has done a great job over the past few days.  Our biggest victory was last night - she took her ENTIRE FEEDING (44 mLs) from a bottle!  That is huge and one step closer to taking all her feedings from a bottle exclusively.  Here's her progress report as of today:

Obviously, we are very proud of her!  And she got a special visitor today - Nana (Rick's mom), who has been sick since Lucy was born, is fully recovered and was able to come visit today!  Now all the grandparents and all of our siblings have gotten to meet Lucy!

AND, she is up to 4 lbs, 10 oz!  Four more ounces and she will be at her birth weight!



3. Staff

We have been overwhelmed by the kindness, caring, and genuine compassion of the staff here at the hospital, both in the labor and delivery unit and the NICU.  I literally could not feel more at peace about where our daughter is spending her days and who is taking care of her.  We have both been SO impressed.

The nurse who helped me through my delivery will have a special place in my heart forever. :)  Helping bring babies into the world is what she does all day every day, but not once did I feel like I was an every-day part of her life.  I felt special, cared for, and as if the delivery of my baby was as big a deal to her as it was to me.

She was my nurse for a few days back in September when I spent nearly a week in the hospital.  She is knowledgeable, a good conversationalist, and definitely a no-nonsense type.  While I was there and it was clear that my amniotic fluid level was dropping, she lectured me for about 15 minutes about not drinking enough water.  She knew my type - teachers who don't take time for themselves during the school day because they are so busy taking care of everyone else.  She said that as a nurse, she was the same, but that I needed to buck up and take time to drink water.  :)  We also talked about books, about our mutual love of garage sales, and about her son, who is around the same age as my students.

I was excited to see she was assigned to me on Lucy's birthday.  She made herself available to answer any questions before the surgery and was so good about explaining things, even down to what would be discussed in the operating room.  When I was getting my spinal, I experienced some pain.  She was there holding my hands the whole way and "cheering" me on.  After Lucy was born and Rick had left with her to head downstairs, she took his place and continued to encourage me.  And then she took me off to recovery.

A word about recovery - in my opinion, it is the worst part of a C-section because you have to stay in a room with no one but your nurse while you wonder how your baby is and start to feel the side-effects of the anesthesia (mainly INSANE itching of the face).  I definitely dreaded recovery more than surgery.  It was in the recovery room that I began to feel nauseous for the first (and only) time all day.  I got that feeling you get when you are about to vomit.  (Side note: I hate throwing up.  I've never met anyone who said they liked it, but I truly believe my hatred and dread of it is more than the average person's.  I cry every time I think I might throw up.  I hate it.)  I said something out loud, and immediately, she was digging in cabinets for wash clothes, running them under cold water, and placing them on my neck.  She gave me one of those semi-circle maroon barf-catcher things for good measure, but she said that placing a cold, wet wash cloth on the neck helps keep one from throwing up.  (Great tip! I'm happy to know it and will be using this trick on myself and my children in the future.)

Once the nausea passed, my wonderful nurse distracted me by steering the conversation into what she knew was comfortable territory for me, and that was education.   She asked my professional advice about an issue at her son's school.  It felt really nice to "talk shop" after being gone from work for more than a month.

When 7:00 rolled around, I asked her to please stay and be my night nurse too.  She smiled and said she would be back again before I left, and true to her word, she was my nurse again on my last day.  But she surprised me by telling me that the talk we had had on Lucy's birthday had inspired and emboldened her with regard to the issue at her son's school and she thanked me.  I was touched and pleased, and, as I already had an immense sense of gratitude in my heart for this woman, I was overjoyed to have been able to give her something back.

I think I may have hugged her four times before I left.

2. NICU (and Progress Report)

As a premature baby, or "premie," as they are frequently called, Lucy was admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) almost immediately upon her arrival.  The NICU provides support to these babies by creating an environment that is as "womb-like" as possible by which regulating breathing, temperature, feedings, excretions, etc. according to the needs of the baby.  I have outlined the big events here, beginning with her birth:

Day 1 (Wednesday, Oct 3):
Weight - 4 lbs, 14 oz
-born 11:47 AM
-admitted to NICU, placed in an incubator to regulate her body temperature and put on a c-pap to help regulate her breathing

Day 2 (Thursday, Oct 4):
-removed from c-pap and placed on hi-flow - one step down from c-pap in terms of respiratory support
-began breast milk feedings via tube in her mouth

Day 3 (Friday, Oct 5):
Weight - 4 lbs, 10 oz
-placed back on c-pap during the night as her breathing was irregular - did MUCH better
-pooped for first time and continued to pee

Day 4 (Saturday, Oct 6):
Weight - 4 lbs, 10 oz
-began to cry when she was hungry - a GREAT sign :)
- began increasing feedings by 2 mL/feeding, which she tolerated well

Day 5 (Sunday, Oct 7):
Weight - 4 lbs, 9 oz
-moved to full feedings (almost 1.5 oz)
-spit up a few times

Day 6 (Monday, Oct 8)
Weight - 4 lbs, 9 oz
-removed the c-pap and brought back the hi-flow, which went VERY well
-spit up a few times

Day 7 (Tuesday, Oct 9)
Weight (they weigh in the evenings, so we don't know yet)
-in a CRIB, which means she is maintaining her body temperature on her own!
-continues to spit up, so they spread her feedings out over a longer period of time

I spoke with the nurse practitioner in charge of Lucy this morning and she is very pleased with Lucy's progress.  She gave me the criteria Lucy must master before going home.  I have arranged it, along with Lucy's progress on each, in the chart below:

So we are making progress!  We can't work on the feeding stuff until the breathing is mastered, but we are well on our way.  She hardly needed any oxygen today, so we are hoping that will be the next thing we can cross off :)

1. Birth

There is so much I could put into this post - it's all still sharp and fresh in my memory - but I decided to keep it simple, and go with moments I know I will never forget.

• Seeing familiar faces in the ward, thanks to my 5 day stint at the hospital in September.  I was overjoyed to see that Rhonda was my nurse again and would be seeing me through surgery.
• In the triage room before heading into surgery, when Rick cheerfully donned the scrubs and the ridiculous-looking shower cap-thing they make you wear on your head.  He prayed with me before we went in.
• Reminding the doctors and nurses to please not forget to bring my husband in.  (They make him wait outside during prep.) They assured me they wouldn't and were true to their word.  He came in, grabbed my hand and kissed me, and then we both got ready.  We remembered from last time how things move very, very quickly from this point.
• The strangeness of feeling people's hands inside you, and feeling tugging and pushing and pulling, and being able to hear them talking about your skin and tissues and guts, but not be able to feel any pain.  Very strange, but definitely the way I like it.
• Rick's first glimpse of our daughter.  I watched as he watched them bring her into the world - butt, then legs, then head.  It was the sweetest moment - there was such...tenderness in his expression - falling in love.
• Hearing her cry!  I hadn't realized until that moment just how anxious I was about whether she would be okay.  34 weeks is a huge milestone for a pre-mature baby, but it is still very early.  Hearing her strong little squall was a huge relief and set off my water-works.
• Seeing her for the first time.  The doctor immediately brought her around the curtain to where we could see her - she was a mass of hair and flesh and white stuff (I asked later and they said it's a natural protectant for the baby's skin that is produced in the womb...how amazing is that?) and noise - beautiful!
• Rick kissing me and hugging my head (as best he could) and telling me how proud he was of me, and how much he loved me.  He then following the doctor to a little corner of the room where she did an examination.
• Feeling SO anxious to know how much she weighed.  She looked bigger than I thought she would but I was still nervous.  Rhonda came and took Rick's place (she is amazing - more about her later) and told me that baby looked "awesome" and very good-sized.
• Seeing her again just before she left the room with Daddy.  They had her wrapped up set her on my shoulder so I could see her just before she went downstairs to get all checked out.  My brilliant husband had the great idea to take pictures and some video with my phone and leave it with me so I could look through them while they finished sewing me up (which is 70% of the length of the surgery).
• Rhonda wheeling me into recovery and telling me how great I did, how great baby looked, and what a success everything was overall.
• Itching. My. Face. Off.
• My sweet husband, returning upstairs with her stats (all but weight, which seemed like it took forever to get! I included them below) and telling me how perfect she was!

Lucy Jean
October 3, 2012

11:47 AM

4 lbs, 14 oz

17 3/4 inches

What an amazing blessing.  So many things could have gone wrong (which I was reminded of when I saw the anesthesiologist's "medical assistant" who performed my spinal.  Seriously?  Did they need a student to do that? I could hear the anesthesiologist coaching him, saying things like, "You're too far left -you're hitting the such-and-such..." yikes) but everything went right.

Thank you, Lord, for this sweet blessing.

More to come...

Dear Lucy

Dear Lucy,

Today is your birthday - the real one, where you make your entrance into this wonderful world.  I cannot tell you how heavily you have been anticipated.  We have thought about you and looked forward to your arrival from the moment your brother was born almost three years ago, and when we found out you were on your way, we were so very happy.

I knew from the moment I discovered I was pregnant that you were a girl.  I can't explain how, but it's true.  Ask your daddy (who scoffed right up until the sonogram, when it was obvious you were a girl).  I have worried and fretted about you like I never did with your brother because you are a girl.  Since I am a girl, I know just how hard it can be.  But the good news is that you were created in the Image of the God of the Universe, Who wove you together in my tummy and Whose hand is on you today and every day of your life.  Sometimes it's hard - especially for girls - to keep from seeking the approval of the world around you.  I promise that your daddy and I will do everything we can to help you understand that you need no approval except God's.  I pray today and for the rest of your life that you will grow to understand that, and to seek to follow after Him with everything you are made of (which, considering your gene pool, is some pretty great stuff, if I do say so).

You are named for two very special people.  The first is a work of fiction.  Lucy Pevensie is the star of my very favorite series of books, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.  One day, we will read them together and you will discover that, while Lucy doesn't always do as she should, she is the most faithful follower of the King of all the other humans in the story.  She is also the youngest and often overlooked.  But she is a wonderful character, and one of my favorites in all of literature.

Your middle name is your great-grandmother's - Clara Jean Blankenship.  She is your daddy's-mommy's mommy.  Since your daddy and I grew up together, I remember her vaugely, but she died when your daddy was young.  He wanted your middle name to be Jean after her.  Someday, he and your nana can tell you all about her.

Well, it's 7:00 AM and we have to be at the hospital in two hours to start getting ready to meet you.  I can hear your daddy's alarm clock going off upstairs, but before I go, I want to tell you just a bit about your big brother.  Even though he doesn't quite understand, he knows who you are.  He knows you are in my tummy - he has often asked to "pet Mommy," which is where he comes and pets my tummy and says "Hi baby Lucy."  I am excited to see the two of you together, and even more excited for the days when you are older and you can count each other among your very best friends.

I love you, dear baby girl, and I can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Mommy

Baby Tomorrow

At my appointments today, it was decided that I would deliver at 34 weeks, and by 34 weeks, they meant tomorrow.  TOMORROW.  Wednesday, October 3, 2012.  11 AM.  Yikes.

Needless to say, we were a little shocked.  We thought we would at least have until Friday, but no.  Rick started to get sick to his stomach and I immediately began thinking of all the things that aren't done (I haven't washed her clothes yet, the nursery is a series of piles, the house isn't clean, I haven't taken a single good belly picture, etc.).  We received this news at 430 PM, and for the next two hours I was in and out of tears.  Some were out of worry and anxiousness about an early delivery (which guarentees admission into the NICU), some were out of an understanding of what is to come (which is far more informed and adequate than it was the last time around), but most were for my son.  His world is about to be rocked and he has no idea.  I started to think about how this was my last night with just him.  I wanted to make it count as much as I could.  So I forgot bed rest and tried to make the most of our last night, just the three of us.  We picked him up from Nana's and got ice cream, played in the park, ordered pizza, and watched his TV show of choice (Thomas the Train).  We took a bath, put on our jamies, and tucked into bed.  He always asks for his sheet and his teddy bear, and then he holds out his hand and asks to pray.  We have been letting him repeat our prayer, but lately, Rick has had him pray on his own.  He thanked God for the day, for Mommy and Daddy, and for baby Lucy, all on his own.  More tears.  He is such a precious boy.

I feel some guilt at the percentage of thought-space my son has occupied  as compared to my daughter throughout this pregnancy, and specifically since I've been on bed rest.  With my first pregnancy, he was all I thought about.  With this pregnancy, he's still been heavy on my mind.  Rather than thinking about Lucy and her future, I've been thinking about Charlie and missing time with him and wondering how he will adjust to having a sister.  I'm hoping this is normal.

As I illuded to earlier, this time around I understand what a baby means.  It means no sleep.  It means constant anxiety.  It means pumping and messes and diapers ALL THE TIME.  But it also means overwhelming joy - the kind of which can never be matched, except perhaps in heaven itself.

Ah, okay.  Deep breath, big day tomorrow.  Time for a good night's sleep.

Project: Tissue Poms

I mentioned in this post that we had a few ideas for the nursery.  One of them was getting a dresser (which turned out to be way more awesome than we were expecting - see this post for details!)  Another was making tissue poms.  While my friend Melissa was here visiting, we tackled this project. This was a cool project that was simple, easy, and cheap!  Here's how we did it:

Materials:

• stapler
• tissue paper in various colors (7-10 sheets, depending on the size you want - we did 10)
• fishing line or ribbon

Step 1: Assemble the sheets in a stack, or if you have them in a package like we did, this is already done for you. 



 Step 2: Fold the tissue paper stack in 1 to 1 1/2 in folds.  (I imagine you could lessen this for a smaller pom.)  In this picture, I have unfolded the tissue paper, but you want to keep it folded and then place a staple right in the middle, securing the paper into place.

 Step 3: Use a scissor to round the ends of the tissue paper.  You could do a point instead of rounded edges if you wanted more of a star-looking pom.  Once the edges are cut, begin separating the layers of tissue paper from each other.

Step 4: Use ribbon or fishing wire to secure the poms in place and hang them from the ceiling.  We actually haven't gotten to that step yet, but once we do I will update this post with pictures of them hanging in the nursery. :)

 



Thank You: Dresser for the Nursery

 

I mentioned in this post that we needed a dresser for our baby girl's room.  Only a few days after I wrote this post, I was placed on bed rest by the doctor.  Getting the baby's room together just got a whole lot harder.
 

Our good friend Kallie read the post and realized she and our other friend Kristie could do something to help.  Kristie ended up with a dresser she had listed on Craigslist and been unable to sell:

Sorry so small! When I enlarged it was way distorted

She and Kristie volunteered to paint it and put new hardware on for us and then bring it to our house in Topeka.  Seriously?

 

Kristie sent me this picture last week:

 

 

And they delivered the finished product to us on Saturday:

 

Isn't this amazing?  It's exactly what we wanted in terms of storage, but this has so much character!  Kristie asked me what kind of hardware I wanted and I told her to do whatever - SOOOOO glad I did!  Aren't those pulls amazing?  They were original to the dresser and she removed them and painted each one.  Such creativity!  She is so stinking talented - check out her Etsy shop.  I can't wait to start using it in the baby's room, and it will be a piece of furniture she can use for years and years!

 

So a HUGE thank you to Kristie and Kallie!  You guys are the best!  This took a huge load off of us and gets us one step closer to having that nursery ready!



The Waiting Game

 On Monday, I went in for another sonogram and discovered that my fluid level had dropped to a 3 (most women at my gestation are at a 12 or above).  The doctor told me to continue bed rest, water immersion treatments, and serious hydration and he'd see me next Tuesday.  This alarmed my husband and me because up to this point they had been checking my fluid level every few days and hit had been steadily decreasing.  So when I woke up in the wee hours Friday morning with some stomach pain, I called the doctor.  They ordered me to the hospital for a non-stress test.  As always, Lucy's strip was perfect, but they did a sonogram to check the levels anyway.  As of this afternoon, I was at a 7!  That is GREAT news...but I was at an 8 two weeks ago and two days later I was back down to a 4...so what does that really mean?

So at this point we are just waiting.  I have heard that we will deliver at 34 weeks, I have heard we will try to wait until 36, but nothing is for sure.  Obviously, we would rather wait until 36 weeks, as that is considered "term" and would be best for the baby.  However, if my fluid level continues to drop, the atmosphere inside the womb becomes more dangerous for the baby than the outside world, so I guess that is what the doctors will have to determine.

I have been in such a state of aggravation over all of this.  I know that, as time passes, the baby is getting stronger, but I feel like the world's laziest bum on the couch all day.  I am finding things to keep me busy and did have a very productive day last week, but I am still feeling like a lump.  I am praying for patience and trying to remember that in a year, this little stint on bed rest will feel like it was nothing.